The Death Writer

The best laid plans of mice, men and cats...

2012-01-27T19:03:00.000-08:00

Dang it's been a long time since I wrote on this blog. I guess life and the holidays happened and I forgot that I was supposed to be creating this death writer platform thing. My last post was about this little cat named Violet who needed a home after living in a culvert outside the women's death row facility in Gatesville for over a year. Well, there she is on the left. That was her second day at my home. Yes, ladies and gentleman, I adopted the little booger. She was skittish and skinny and covered in fleas with an earful of mites. She liked to hide under my bed and the only time she'd let me pet her is when I was seated on the toilet. Well, things have changed. She is now quite the robust little feline. She likes the taste of Iams cat food. A lot. She gained 2 pounds in a month. She took to the litter box like a champ and she is beyond playful. She is now a permanent member of the family. My other cat Judy wasn't too keen on the idea of this little runt invading her space, but the power of the snuggle won out. Life is a funny thing.

Saving Violet, the Death Row Cat

2011-10-17T16:27:00.000-07:00

Feral cat populations around prisons are fairly common. People with unwanted cats will "dump" them there knowing that the inmates will at least feed them. And why wouldn't they? Who doesn't want a furry little friend? I personally think it's fantastic to have unwanted cats being tended by men and women in prison. I look at it as a form of rehabilitation. It teaches responsibility. It also gives people the opportunity to love something that will love them back. Even though the incarcerated are being "punished" for their crimes, they are still human beings. They need hope. Hell, we could all use a little hope.

Okay, okay, I'll cut to the chase since this is a super long blog.

My friend Sonya Reed who is incarcerated at the Women's Death Row Unit in Gatesville has tamed a feral cat. And this is a problem because the prison has to control the cat population. There isn't an official policy, but there isn't a humane society in Gatesville, so when the feral cats are trapped, they are euthanized. There isn't a trap and release program in effect. But, one of the Wardens has agreed to let me pick Sonya's cat up once she is trapped. She will be taken to a local vet who will test her for Feline Leukemia and HIV. If she is negative, I will have to find this cat a home. She will need to be fixed and vaccinated. This costs dough that I don't have right now. If the cat is positive, she will be euthanized. I agreed to pay for the testing. If taking this cat will make Sonya feel better, I'm going to do it. November 5th marks the two year anniversary of Khristian Oliver's execution. Sonya is down and for good reason. She can't keep the cat, but she wants it to have a chance at a better life.

This story has just begun.

To read the history of Sonya 's cat that she wrote and that I submitted to the Readers Write section of The Sun Magazine, it follows below. It's called "The Best Feeling in the World."

It wasn’t an easy decision to feed the silver and white feral cat. Prison cats live such short lives, succumbing to disease, cars, razor wire and the periodic trapping by the prison guards for euthanization. Once you finally form an attachment, they’re gone. She was just a tiny scrap of a cat, terrified of everyone and everything, but she looked so much like my last cat on the outside, Sweet Pea, that I couldn’t help but tempt her to my cell window with a little food. I named her Violet.

It’s a lot of stress transporting my own serving of food from the chow hall and sneaking it past the pat-searches, but I do it, twice a day, every day. I have to constantly fend off the cat haters and bullies in my dorm who just need something to direct their anger at. When I defend Violet against these women, it makes me appear more fearsome than I really am, but I would do anything to keep her from harm which is hard to do when only one of us is in a cage. I’ve watched in agony when her belly grew round with kittens, then worried myself silly over every scratch and cut as she fought off the tomcats, opossums and skunks who tried to get at her babies. I grieved with her as she paced and cried for days after the well-intentioned but misguided yard crew took them away at only four weeks. I too lost a child to this place, and while I never got to mother the baby girl who was taken from me, through Violet, I’m getting a taste of what motherhood feels like.

It took forever for her to trust me. I’d stand like a statue at my window, week after week as she ate the scraps of food I’d brought her. At first, she’d dash off at the slightest movement. Then she graduated to eating on the sill with the window closed. Finally, I’d open the window as slowly as I could, cooing her name over and over until she’d stay. I endured many scratches and bites as I attempted to pet her fur, first just her tail as she jumped down from the window, then her back, and as we became more dependent on one another, she’d allow me to scratch the little spot under her chin.

Now, when I call her name each morning, she comes running across the field as fast as her little silver legs can carry her. She leaps into my window, her eyes intent on my face, purring and rubbing against the bars. Her willingness to trust has reawakened my ability to love. And it’s the best feeling in the world.

Funeral Plans

2011-10-12T10:36:00.000-07:00

If you were to die tomorrow, would your family know what to do? Have you made a plan for your final exit? Do you want to be buried? Cremated? How about donating your body to science? Do you want to have a memorial service? And if so, do you want an open casket? Or do you want to keep it closed with a terrific picture of you? Do you want music? Do you want someone to read a favorite poem? Do you want people to mourn or celebrate your passing? It's a lot to think about. Here's a place you can plan your funeral, because as they say on their website, "You only get one chance to make a last impression."

There's a book coming out this month called "Making an Exit" by Sarah Murray, a journalist and writer, who investigated different cultures and the ways in which they dignify their dead. I haven't read it yet, but I plan on doing so. I've always been interested in the Day of the Dead celebrations in Mexico. Maybe one day I'll get to see one.

I recently spoke with my dad about his wishes. He said he wanted to be cremated with a headstone at Arlington National Cemetery. He's a Korean War veteran. I did a little research for him and I think he may change his mind. Ever the penny pincher, he was under the impression that he wouldn't have to foot the bill for anything, but he was wrong. The family still has to pay for the body to be cremated or prepared for burial and then there's the shipping to Arlington. He may decide to stay close to home.

My mom and her husband have the same plans. Apparently, my mom's sister and her husband are buried at Arlington and even in death, I think she wants to be "close" to her family.

As for myself, I want to be cremated and scattered someplace I like. Maybe the Rocky Mountains, the Marin headlands, or possibly an outdoor ashtray at the Ritz Carlton, if they still exist. Now that would be classy! I don't want anyone holding onto them and placing them on their mantle. The thought of myself looking like cat litter and stuck inside a little urn being moved around from place to place throughout the years seems utterly ridiculous. I want people to remember me in their minds.

What about you? You don't have to answer here, but I encourage you to talk about it with the people you love. Their answers may surprise you. And best of all, it's one less thing you have to worry about.

Be the Change

2011-10-04T15:34:00.000-07:00

Lately I’ve been talking to my daughter about bullying and what behaviors constitute being a bully. I’ve told her repeatedly that if she witnesses bullying in her school and does nothing about it, she is basically being a bully herself. In other words, remaining silent is just as bad as calling someone a name or excluding them. It’s tough being a preteen when everyone around you is aligning themselves with cliques and trying to be in the “in” crowd. One day your friend decides that she doesn’t want to be friends with you anymore and you don’t know why. I remember those days and it just adds to the horror of middle school and raging hormones and acne dotted skin. I was called frizz head, had gum thrown in my hair, and was taunted by kids for my weird clothes. True, it gave me character, but at the time, I didn’t particularly like it.

The other day, someone I was acquaintance “friends” with on facebook posted a picture she’d taken with her phone on her homepage. The picture was of a slightly heavy woman seated in a chair. Since the woman was leaning forward, the top of her thong was exposed. My “friend” commented that some people need mirrors or something to that effect. I have been deleted as her friend, so I can’t copy it verbatim. Someone chimed in that that look was trashy. I looked at the picture for a moment. My first thought was just to ignore it and move on. But my thoughts kept returning to “What if that picture was of my daughter, my mom, my friend, or me?” I didn’t know the woman in the photo, but I felt like standing up for her. Somebody had to. And I did. And it was uncomfortable and it will be awkward the next time I see the acquaintance, if I ever do, but I refuse to remain silent, especially if I want my daughter to respect me.

I don’t know what happened after I posted my comment on the thread because I was writing and frankly I didn’t care to get caught up in the dramatic aftermath. But today I noticed that I have one less facebook friend. And you know what?

I'm perfectly okay with that.

Book Soundtrack

2011-09-12T17:43:00.000-07:00

I've always included music in my writing. For one, if a song is playing at a fairly signifcant moment, I wll forever associate that song with the event. I did not choose these songs based on lyrics, but the significance they held to an event or to a person. Since the book is about death, you'd think I chose "Don't Fear the Reaper" because of the obvious connection to death, but you'd be wrong. Here's an article about a company doing soundtracks for books. Hmmmm.
Books with Soundtracks: The Future of Reading? The Atlantic

Here's my Official Soundtrack to "When November Ends"

"Sweet Baby James" by James Taylor This song was playing the moment I realized I was going to die. I was 30 years old and holding my four-day-old child. I was scared shitless, despite the soothing sounds coming from Taylor's mouth.

"Don't Fear the Reaper" by Blue Oyster Cult The minute I got in my rental car in Austin on my way to Huntsville, this song came on the radio. It was really dark and I couldn't read my map and well, I was totally freaked out. It was followed by "1999" by Prince, but it didn't have quite the same impact.

"Orinoco Flow" by Enya Khristian Oliver's favorite song. When he told me this, I thought it was kind of a weird choice, but what do I know? I've listened to it many times and it really is beautiful.

"Walk On" by U2 Another favorite of Khristian Oliver's. His penpal and friend Amber told me that this one was one of his favorites as we stood outside the Walls Unit.

"American Eulogy" by Green Day I always think of Khristian when I hear this song. Don't know why. Maybe because it's about a guy name Christian.

"Hey Soul Sister" by Train When I attended the birth of Marion, this song was part of a playlist that her Dad and Mom made for her. Whenever I hear this song, I think of that day.

9/11: A Letter of Love

2011-09-11T06:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I deleted my personal blog, ironyandxtc. Why? Well, for one, my last post was in March, and two, I felt like I was developing a split personality with two blogs. So, there’s going be some changes to this here deathwriter blog. Despite the morbid title, I will now post stuff from my life and what is going on with the book. Yes, the book. It took me a long time to actually figure out how I was going to tell the story. Was it about me? Or was it about the people I met? Since I know a lot more about me than them, I decided to show my character and how I changed by taking this strange journey with some amazing people.

Okay, so today is September 11th. For most Americans, including me, September 11^th is a day that we will never forget. So many innocent people lost their lives. If you were over 5 years in age, you probably remember where you were, what you were doing, how you felt. You probably spent the day watching tv, or checking the internet or calling your loved ones to see if they were okay. And you were scared. I know I was.

September 11^th also marks the anniversary of the day I married my husband, Erik twelve years ago. 9/11/1999 seemed like a really cool anniversary date. But, two years later, it wasn’t. I’ve always felt guilty about celebrating my marriage on that date, but this year I’ve changed my mind. I can’t change the day I was married, I can only change the way I feel about it. If anything, it makes me grateful for all the blessings that I have in my life.

So, Erik, if you’re reading this (and you better be) Happy Anniversary!

I am so grateful that you walked into a tiny, icky dive bar in San Francisco and accepted this stranger’s awkward invitation to attend a self help seminar. (Folks, that’s a great story, but for a later date.)

I would also like to thank you for being a wonderful father to our kids. They bring us a lot of laughs, love, joy and sometimes a little bit of freak outs, but they’ve made our lives so much richer.

Thank you for supporting me in all the crazy endeavors I’ve taken on through the years—party bus, Mary Kay, writing about death—and not blinking an eye.

What I love most about you is your willingness to roll with the punches, to cherish the wackiness of life, and last, but certainly not least, your sentimental streak. And to top it all off, you’re pretty easy on the eyes.

You’re my best friend and I love you.

Pamela

The Emergency

2011-09-08T08:53:00.000-07:00

If there is anything I've learned about my son in the almost 8 years I've known him, it's this--if he says his stomach hurts, vomit is sure to follow. And it did, just as I'd expected. As usual, I set him up in his room with the portable dvd player and a trash can lined with several trash bags. I gave him teaspoons of water every fifteen minutes to insure he didn't get dehydrated. This wasn't my first time at the barf-o-rama rodeo. I spent most of sunday cleaning and disenfecting the house to prevent anyone else from coming down with this nasty bug.

By the next day, the vomiting had subsided. I started out by giving him bland foods and chicken broth, but he wasn't really hungry. He complained that his stomach hurt, but I figured that after all that vomiting, he probably strained a muscle and the pain would subside by the following day and he'd be ready for school and all would be good. As usual.

The next day, he could barely walk. I thought he was being dramatic. Or maybe he was trying to get out of going to school so he could spend another day with mom watching movies and chilling out. I called the school and told him he'd be out again. The nurse confirmed that a stomach virus was going around. I imagined another day and he'd be back to his old hyper self, but when he looked up at me from the bathtub and cried, "When is this stomach pain going to go away?" I knew that this was something other than a 24 hour bug.

My first thought was that maybe he got the flu or maybe a hernia from all that dry heaving. Luckily, my internet was down for the day and I had to go by my gut. Normally I suffer from google abuse which often results in many unnecessary trips to the pediatrician's office at the first sign of a cold, fever, growing pain, what have you. I'll admit, it's kind of embarrassing to be told by a doctor that there is nothing to do but give them fluids, rest, some Ibuprofen and maybe some chicken soup. It's also expensive.

But, when your normally happy-go-lucky kid is acting very odd, it's time to consult the professionals. I loaded him in the back seat of the car and zoomed off to a children's urgent care clinic. He complained about the bumps on the road.

When we shuffled into the clinic that was buzzing within 15 minutes of being open, Nik was able to bypass the line and went straight to triage. They took his temp and felt his belly. It hurt only on the right side. He had a fever. He was nauseous. He had vomited. Within minutes, we were in a room and the doctor came in. He felt Nik's belly again. "Looks like it's his appendix. I'm going to order a sonogram to take a look, but the clinical diagnosis points to appendicitis."

I think my jaw dropped. Surgery. Oh no. They would have to put Nik under and cut him open and he was so little and frail and walking around like a 90 year old man. The older doctor assured me that this was fairly common in kids and that once we got the results back, he'd have the surgery done immediately. They didn't want it to burst, as that can cause a whole lot of problems.

Well, it was his appendix. At 6pm, he went in for surgery. We met the anesthesiologist and the surgeon. They answered Nik's questions, they appeased our fears, and as we walked towards the waiting room, the nurse assured us that we had the best team working on Nik.

It was the longest, most worrisome hour of my life. When I finally got to see him, I was so relieved that everything went well. He was such a brave kid. He didn't cry when they gave him the IV and is usual for him, he wanted to do everything himself. No help. If there were three words that could sum up Nik's experience, it's "I got this."

We're home. All is good. I'm so grateful for the wonderful staff at Cook Children's Surgical Center, as well as everyone's prayers, thoughts and well wishes. Thank you.

Cremation Alternative

2011-08-30T17:33:00.000-07:00

Okay, my question is what do you do with the liquified remains?

What do you think?

Coming soon--a big old blog post on burial requirements for Arlington National Cemetery.

It's not about death, but...

2011-08-29T18:40:00.000-07:00

It's somewhat connected. It's about faith, found objects and Six Flags. Did I mention that it's short? Come on, show me the love and go read my essay on Braided Brook.

My Birthday Wish

2011-08-17T06:34:00.000-07:00

Hello blog reader(s)! Last month Surrender was published by UNT's Ten Spurs literary journal. This essay is about meeting Khristian Oliver, a man who was executed by the state of Texas in November of 2009. After his execution, I recieved a letter of thanks from his girlfriend, Sonya Reed, which blew me away. Sonya was given a life sentence (99 years due to the law of parties) for sitting outside the crime scene in a truck. She was two months pregnant and gave birth to her daughter, a child she hasn't seen in ten years, while in prison.

I have befriended Sonya, not because I feel sorry for her, but because she is an intelligent, caring and thoughtful person. I look forward to her letters and our occassional visits in Gatesville.

Okay, so here's the dealio. The state of Texas is now going to privatize health care for inmates and charge them $100 per year. This means that if an inmate has money placed on their books, so that they can buy shampoo (something not provided by the state) stamps or healthier food than what is offered, the state will take half of it until the $100 is payed. Sonya recently had her commissary order taken away because she didn't put it away fast enough. It was boxed up and when one of her friends came to visit her, it was given to him. But she'll never see it again.

So, here's my birthday wish. I'd like to help Sonya raise money so that she can get the items she needs. If I had the dough, I'd do it myself. But I don't. So here's my offer. If you place money on Sonya's books through jpay.com and send me a confirmation of it, I'll send you an email of my essay. The site is secure and you can send as little as $5. You'll make two people happy.

Here's her info.
Sonya Reed
Mountain View Unit, Gatesville, TX
Her number is 878111
Thank you.
Post it here on this blog or you can message me on facebook.

8/16

2011-08-16T11:11:00.000-07:00

Dead at 27

2011-07-24T20:48:00.000-07:00

Okay, so lots of famous musicians seem to burn out at the critical age of 27. I'll be honest, I wasn't a huge Winehouse fan, but like a lot of people, I couldn't turn away from the trainwreck that was her life. If anything, she was interesting. And she was a public figure. You might have danced to one of her songs. Or made out with the cute guy at the end of the bar while "You Know, I'm No Good" played on the jukebox. Or maybe you ran on the treadmill to "Rehab." Music has a way of seeping into our subconscious, creating memories that we associate with certain melodies or guitar riffs or lyrics. It's inescapable. That's why her death mattered. In some small way, we could relate to something inside of her, not the real her, but the her that she put into song.
Sure, we all could see that the Grim Reaper loomed above her like a cloud of smoke at a Grateful Dead concert. The girl liked to party. Like a lot. There were plenty of pics that documented her demise. There she is past the point of inebriation with a drink clutched in her skeletal hands. Here's another with her nostrils flaked with cocaine. There is also her many cancelled shows or the times she would show up, but was so pissed, she couldn't remember the lyrics to her own songs. She punched people. She went to rehab, despite the catchy "no, no, no" of her infamous and ironic song. And tragically she died at the young age of 27.

I posted on facebook about her death, as did many people. One of my friends, who I actually know in person, posted that he wondered why no one mentioned the soldiers who had died in battle in the past few weeks or the people who died in Norway. He felt that their deaths were more signifcant or noble than Ms. Winehouse's death. After all, she had it coming with the way she lived her life.

But don't we all have it coming? No one here gets out alive. And honestly, it's only really going to matter to those who had a personal connection to us.

Unless you've written a hit song.

Have a Heart

2011-06-17T14:15:00.000-07:00

My brother-in-law needs a new heart. He is 51 years old and was recently placed on the transplant list. In addition to going about his day to day life, he is anxiously waiting for a phone call to alert him that a donor heart is available. I don't think I need to spell it out, but I will. It means that someone has died. This someone, by being an organ donor, is a very generous person. This gift of a heart will prolong my brother-in-law's life. It's an odd situation to be in and I can't imagine the stress that he and his immediate family are under right now as they wait.

His wife is planning a silent auction and fundraising dinner for July 22. I've contacted some businesses in the area and posted on Facebook to people I know for donations. We're looking for auction items. Think gift cards, baskets, art, crafts, tickets to events, etc. If you want to send something, please send me an email and we'll talk. We're getting some good stuff so far and if you're a heavy metal fan, you just might want to attend the auction.

His oldest daughter recently turned 15. At her request and as a surprise to her dad, she asked that her friends make a donation to her dad's transplant fund instead of giving her a birthday gift. She raised over $300. She's a sweet kid.

If you'd like to Donate click on that link.
Also, if you haven't already done so, think about organ donation. You can sign up here.

Dr. Death Has Left the Building

2011-06-04T13:51:00.000-07:00

Dr. Jack Kevorkian is dead. I was hoping to get an interview with him, but I guess I was a day late and a dollar short. I contacted his lawyer a couple of months ago and never received a response. But, this silence is fairly typical when trying to interview people about death. So, this confirms to me that I'm not going to go the "big name" route with my book. It's simply going to be a memoir about my experience and the people I met along the way. I may even self publish. Oh, the horror!

I don't really have any feelings about Kevorkian's death. I didn't know him. All I know is that he was passionate about end of life issues and people either loved or hated him. I think he was an important figure of our times and I would put money on it that more states are going to legalize death with dignity acts like they have in Washington and Oregon.

Rest in peace Dr. Death.

How to Die in Oregon

2011-05-27T19:01:00.000-07:00

As some of you may know, I'm writing a book about people who work with death in their professions. While doing my research, I thought it would be interesting to meet someone who knew the day they were going to die. There are only two people who know this date--people who choose to end their life and a person with an execution date on death row. I chose to speak with someone on death row, as I felt it would be easier when their death might be "justified." Well, if you've read my blog or know me, that didn't exactly turn out as planned. I was totally affected by this experience and am now totally against the death penalty.

Anyway, so last night I had the pleasure of watching a movie about terminally ill people in Oregon who choose to end their lives. And yes, I said pleasure. This is an important film, and although it was difficult to watch, I'm so glad I did.  Why? Because anyone who watches this film will have a conversation about death and THIS IS AN IMPORTANT conversation to have.

The film, How to Die in Oregon opens with a home video of a terminally ill older man choosing to hasten his death by gulping down a lethal dose of Seconal mixed with warm water. His family and a caseworker with Compassion and Choices are all present for his final exit. It was quite an intro and I was startled to say the least. It was kind of like that feeling when Drew Barrymore's character is killed in the first Scream. If the director is going to kill off the biggest name actress in the first fifteen minutes of the film, nobody is safe. So if HTDIO starts right off with a death, I knew that I would inevitably be more emotionally invested in the characters as the film progressed.
And I was. There is a fairly large cast of characters and each person is struggling with end of life choices. Something we all will do one day.

I don't want to give away the film, but the most difficult story line was that of Cody Curtis, a vibrant 54 year-old wife and mother of two who was diagnosed with inoperable liver cancer. She is the "star" of this documentary. We meet her family, her friends, and her doctor.  We get to witness her hopes and fears as her health declines. The scene that really got me takes place in a beauty salon where Cody goes in for a final trim. It was so hard to watch. The film ends with the camera fixed on a window outside of Cody's house on the night she chooses to die. We can hear what's going on inside the house. The family sings, the drink is mixed and Cody comments about how "easy" it was. Fade to black.

I know I'm probably not going to get a ton of commentary on this topic, but I'd like for you to consider some of the thoughts that came into my mind as I watched this film.

Why should people have to suffer if they don't want to? Heck, when we euthanize an animal, it's usually to end their suffering.
Why does anyone have to "battle" a disease? Shouldn't they get to pick and choose their battles and surrender when they want to?

Dying is not a failure, it's an inevitability.  I talked to my 78 year-old Dad yesterday and we talked about his sister who died recently. I asked him if he had any end of life wishes. He said that when his life stopped being "fun" he'd drink a bottle of bourbon and go into his garage and start his car's engine. Knowing my dad, he's not just being dramatic. How sad is that that he wouldn't be able to exit his life in a more dignified manner? A neighbor will inevitably discover him. They will be traumatized. His family will be traumatized. So, how did I respond? I said, "Dad, could you at least let me know if and when you plan on doing that so I can at least say goodbye and make sure you get cremated?" He said he would. Hey, I know it sounds weird, but at least it's a start.

I sincerely hope that everyone checks out this wonderful film. It is currently playing on HBO till mid June.

Wake UP! To Death

2011-05-19T11:32:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago, I was interviewed by Melody Brooke for her show Wake Up! on Women's Radio. You can listen to the interview here.

If you are a regular reader of my blog--and I say this with my tongue firmly planted in my cheek. I check my stats, um, like hourly and I don't receive what you would call huge amounts of traffic--so this is my blog of shame. Not that there is anything wrong with being on internet radio, but if you happened to read my former post about unplugging from social media for a week, you now have physical proof that I was unable to keep that promise. It only took three days to make me stare at my computer screen like a junkie. I was powerless against the allure of Facebook, Twitter, blogs--basically the entire internet in general. I couldn't help myself. I felt so alone, so disconnected from people's rants and meal choices and political views, not to mention Arnold's LOVE CHILD and I know I claimed that I felt alone when I was engaging in social media outlets, but it's a different kind of alone. Trust me.

All I ask is that you please forgive me for my weakness.

So what did I do during my very brief hiatus? I wrote. Actually, I edited. I read two books. Yes, I did that in three days. I'm a speed reading graduate of Evelyn Woods, thank you very much. (Actually, that's a complete and total lie.) I did lots of laundry. I ironed some pants. I ate lots of pep-o-mint life savers. And then I cracked.

And now I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

I love you internet. You are such a wonderful distraction from my life. In moderation, of course. And no porn.

The end.

Pulling the Plug

2011-05-14T09:04:00.000-07:00

Despite the name of this post and that it appears on a blog about death, this post is not about the decision to end a person's life by "pulling the plug." If searching for reassurance or information about "pulling the plug" is how you ended up on this page, let me apologize. The internet can bring you to a lot of weird places depending on your search terms. So before you go, I'd like to wish you good luck with your search, but I'd also like for you to do something brave. I'd like for you to ask a real, live person. You know, face to face? You could ask a doctor or a hospice nurse or a minister or a chaplain or a priest or your mom or your dad or maybe even your best friend. Do it over coffee or a soda or maybe even water. The only condition is that you are in the same room. Turn your phone off. Same goes for the computer and the tv. See what happens.

Are you still here? Great. If not, see ya, wouldn't want to be ya.

Okay, so what is this post about? It's about disconnection. I don't know about you, but all these social media sites like Facebook, Linkedin, and Twitter are bringing me down. In fact, I've never felt so alienated before and this is coming from a woman who used to eat her lunch in the library because she was afraid of the rejection that awaited her in the Junior High lunchroom.

For the past year, I've been seriously debating whether or not to continue down this path, but as a writer, I've been told that social media is a necessary evil. How are people going to find out about you or follow you if they don't know about you? And my response is, what the hell happened to WORD OF MOUTH? Like in, going out to eat with someone and saying, "I just read this really great essay in a print journal that I bought at a brick and mortar bookseller. You should check it out. It's funny and sad at the same time and I really think you'd dig it the most." Am I crazy or what? Ironically, I joined a hashtag discussion group on Twitter called #MYWANA or We Are Not Alone.

We are totally alone. Sorry. And I hope that when you are on your death bed that there are people in the room to hold your hand. Let's hope that condolences aren't tweeted at you or texted or that people don't announce your last breath on facebook for people to "like." (Ultimately they will complain that FB needs a dislike button for this kind of news.)

I feel like Pavlov's dog as I check my @replies or see who "liked" my post on facebook. I waste so much time on these sites looking for a little validation that I exist or that I matter. And I despise this feeling. I do matter. Maybe I only matter to a few people, but that's okay. If you want to de-friend me or unfollow me, so be it. I am taking away its power for awhile and see what happens. Next week, I'm going to unplug from all social media and see what happens. My husband doesn't think I can do it. There is money involved.

So what am I going to do? I may enjoy a night with my family playing a game from a cardboard box. Or I might meet someone for a cup of coffee. If anything, I might actually get some writing done. Alone. Without anyone cheering.

Zuzu's Petals

2011-05-11T06:13:00.000-07:00

I wish that everyone had this feeling today and every day.

And no I'm not talking about getting arrested.

It's that moment when you discover that this is it, so you might as well appreciate it.

In Honor of Free Comic Book Day

2011-05-09T18:44:00.000-07:00

I'm going to pimp Mike McMullen's humorous memoir I, Superhero. Yes, I know, free comic book day is over and they never wrote a comic about the Amazing Whitebread, but they should. After all, he wears tights so that we won't have to. And he's a helluva nice guy.

I met Mike at the DFW Writers Conference He was on a nonfiction panel that I attended. Afterwards, I saw him in the hall and said, "Hey, where can I buy your book?" And being a total Super-d-duper nice guy, he handed me a copy for FREE. Yes, that's right, ladies and gentleman, I celebrated Free Comic Book Day way before all ya'll. What is the lesson learned in this little scenario? Is it Superheroes do nice things for needy people who can't afford to buy books? NO. The lesson learned here is that Mike needs to stop giving away his book. People need to buy it. Like from here.

And why do people need to buy it? I'll tell you why.

McMullen has a wonderful self deprecating wit and absurd sense of humor that made me laugh out loud. Not many can do this, so McMullen is in good company with David Sedaris and Mary Roach who've made me look like a lunatic in public spaces while reading their wacky tales from real life.

The set up of the book is that McMullen wants to become a Superhero for his son, "The Biscuit." Here's a little excerpt about Mike's poor food choices and the love of his life.

I get the little one, you can call him "Biscuit," and give him a big good afternoon hug before flopping him down on the changing table. I open the diaper and have to swallow the chunk of cookie in my mouth to force the vomit back down. At this point one thing is abundantly clear: feeding a fourteen-month-old fish sticks at every meal for a week, no matter how much he likes them, was a grievous strategic error. It's what I would imagine a fishing boat would smell like if the entire crew had died of dysentery and drifted a few weeks before being found. If fatherhood can be compared to a war, this diaper is Normandy...

So, we learn that McMullen has a few flaws (what good Superhero doesn't?), that he has a killer sense of humor and that he has the support of his family in this crazy scheme. The rest of the book, Mike hits the road and meets several members of the Real Life Superheroes. Mike dares to say what most of us think and for that I applaud him. His writing style is conversational and fun. After I finished the book, I felt really proud to have met him. And now I want my book signed. I wonder if he has an Amazing Whitebread signal, like Batman? Perhaps I could burn my toast and he'd come running to scrape the crusty blackened bits into the sink, or maybe I could just contact him on his blog.

Anyway, in addition to enjoying a fun read, I also used his random superhero name generator. Ready? This is the Mischieviously Tall Sea Sponge signing out.

Today is National No Diet Day! And now for something completely different...

2011-05-06T06:24:00.000-07:00

Yes, boys and girls, this blog is about death. Why? Because I'm writing a book about it and I'm trying to build my media platform. But, I also want to write in support of fellow writers that I like and that you should like too. And that brings me to Kim.

“Every weight loss program, no matter how positively it’s packaged, whispers to you that you’re not right. You’re not good enough. You’re unacceptable and you need to be fixed.” Kim Brittingham

I don’t know if it’s because I came of age in the consumer excess of the eighties, or if it’s just a byproduct of being born female, but as a result of one or maybe both of these conditions, I used to believe in the possibility of magical transformation through acquisition of something that existed outside of myself. For example, in the sixth grade, I felt that owning a pair of leather Nike tennis shoes with a blue swoosh on the side would make me happier. I begged and I pleaded with my single mother, insisting against her resistance that my happiness was dependent on possessing a pair of $50 shoes. Everyone else had them, so why can’t I?

Well, for one, we were broke. So I scrimped and I saved and I bought the dang shoes. I wore them every day until my big toes eventually pushed their way out of the top of the well worn leather. Despite the fact that they adorned my feet in every waking hour of my adolescent life, I didn’t feel any different. So now what? Well, I’ll tell you. The search began for the next perfect thing to make me feel different, better and/or happier. Since overpriced tennis shoes didn’t do the trick right out of the starting gate, the next most obvious choice for my 1982 suburbia dwelling self were designer jeans. There were so many to choose from—Sasson, Jordache, Calvin Klein, Gloria Vanderbilt. I tried them all and nothing made me feel any better. Then it was purses and shoes and sweaters—Oh, MY! Finally, it became hair care products—I felt that the perfect shampoo/conditioner combo would tame my frizzy hair and solve all the kinks of my crooked life. Wrong.

What this long winded intro brings me to is a new book by Kim Brittingham called, “Read My Hips: How I Learned to Love My Body, Ditch Dieting and Live Large.” Before I go further, I must be honest—I know Kim and consider her a friend. So, the conspiracy theorists out there are probably saying, “Well of course you are going to like her book.” Obviously, you don’t know me. I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it if it wasn’t good. And it is good. This collection of essays will make you laugh, some will make you cry—Fat Aunt Phyllis—and others just might make you want to throw away your skinny jeans. (You know the pair. The perfectly faded Levi’s from 96 that will never, ever go over your hips again because you’ve had two children and you like ice cream and Nutella way too much.)

The essays in this collection are about Kim’s journey to acceptance. Of herself. Just the way she is. And although I’m a size 10 and have been since high school, this book was still relatable to me. I’ve known since youth that I didn’t fit the mold in our society. I was tall, pasty white and frizzy haired. In other words, I was wrong. Since women in our society are lead to believe that they have to go through some sort of outside physical transformation to achieve an inner happiness, Kim points out through the essays in her book that it isn’t losing weight that is going to bring about the new you—that my dear, resides already within you. It’s a choice. But, it isn’t a self help book. It’s one woman’s kick ass journey that is filled with charming wit and beautiful prose.

Through the years, I’ve watched Kim on her journey to publication. I hope that the irony of this situation of acquisition of that something outside of ourselves isn’t lost on Kim with the publication of this book. Because, the minute she decided to be a writer, she was—published or not. And I’m so proud of her.

You too can buy a copy of Kim’s fantabulous book at any brick and mortar book seller or simply get it here

Read My Hips

Is a Picture Really Worth a Thousand Words?

2011-05-03T19:40:00.000-07:00

So, I kinda feel bad that I pulled a little internet hoax on facebook. I announced that I'd posted Osama Bin Laden's death pic on my blog. Well, people (40, the last time I checked) clicked on the link to check it out. I'm sure they were just humoring me because out of all places that the media and President Obama could pick to release that photo, my blog would probably not be their first choice. It might even be their last choice of all possible choices. Hmmmm, let's see. Shall we go with CNN? Fox? That Maddow lady? Or how about this death writer chick who doesn't get any traffic? Shall we hand over the one thing that will make her a household name? In my dreams.

But honestly, I don't want to see a pic of Osama Bin Laden with a bullet in his head, but I'm sure Donald Trump will. He'll want an official death certificate. I'm just going to take the President's word on it. But, there's a lot of people out there who do want to see a pic. Is it morbid curiousity? Or is it about having evidence of his death? I'm curious, but not that curious.

Since Osama's death, I've been asked for my opinion on his "execution" since I'm not a supporter of the death penalty. I didn't really want to talk about it. In fact, I responded to one person who wanted to ruffle my feathers with a facebook status that was attributed to Martin Luther King.

Turns out, the quote was bogus. But, I liked the sentiment of it. I didn't feel like jumping up and down and signing "ding dong the witch is dead." It was a somber moment for me. So many lives have been lost--the victims of 9/11 and all the brave men and women who died protecting and fighting for our country. To me, it just didn't seem right. I honestly don't believe that Osama Bin Laden's death is going to bring CLOSURE to any of the people who lost someone because of his actions. Closure doesn't really exist.

And you know what? That's all I'm going to say about that.
Post your thoughts or not.

Psych!

2011-05-03T15:16:00.000-07:00

I was lying about that Osama death pic. I just wanted to see my blog stats go really high.

Thanks for stopping by! Please vote in my cremation vs. burial poll. Only hours left!

A chat with Death with Dignity

2011-04-18T13:20:00.000-07:00

Since saturday April 16th was National Healthcare Decisions Day, I thought I'd speak with Melissa Barber from Death with Dignity.

What is Death with Dignity?

Our organization provides information, education, research and support for the preservation, implementation and promotion of Death with Dignity laws which allow a terminally ill, mentally competent adult the right to request and receive a prescription to hasten death under certain specific safeguards. We promote Death with Dignity laws based on our model legislation, the Oregon Death with Dignity Act, as a stimulus to nationwide improvements in end-of-life care and as an option for dying individuals.

Our most recent success was when the voters of Washington state passed the second such US law in 2008. We led the effort, helped write the law, and laid the groundwork necessary for this successful campaign.

What is the biggest misconception about Death with Dignity?

Probably the biggest misconception about Death with Dignity has to do with terminology and what is and isn't allowed under the Oregon and Washington laws.

What we advocate for:
Death with Dignity/Physician-Assisted Death: Under the Oregon and Washington Death with Dignity Acts, terminally ill patients who are mentally competent to make their own medical care decisions may request a prescription of medication to hasten their deaths. These patients must also be able to self-administer and ingest the medication.

What we don't advocate for:
* "Assisted Suicide" more accurately refers to criminals like William Francis Melchert-Dinkel.
* "Suicide" is also inaccurate. A terminally ill patient making a request under the Oregon or Washington law is doing so to hasten an already inevitable and imminent death; therefore, the act cannot properly be equated with suicide. None of the moral, existential, or religious connotations of "suicide" apply when the patient's primary objective is not to end an otherwise open-ended span of life but to find dignity in an already impending exit from this world. Individuals who use the law may be offended by the use of "assisted suicide," because they are participating in an act to short the agony of their final hours, not killing themselves. It is the cancer (or other underlying condition) which is killing them.
* Euthanasia often refers to the act of painlessly but deliberately causing the death of another who is suffering from an incurable, painful disease or condition. It is commonly thought of as lethal injection.

I know with hospice, or at least the hospice program I volunteered for, a patient has to be given 6 months or less to enter hospice care. What about Death with Dignity? At what point is a person legally able to make this decision?

In order to make a request for medication under the Oregon and Washington Death with Dignity Acts, the patient must have received a terminal diagnosis with six months or fewer to live.

Are there any other states considering this legislation?

In December 2009, Montana's Supreme Court ruled there was nothing in the state law which prohibited a physician from honoring his or her terminally ill, mentally competent patient's request by prescribing medication to hasten the patient's death. During this year's legislative session, three bills were introduced in Montana regarding Death with Dignity. One, modeled on the Oregon and Washington laws would have codified the Supreme Court ruling and outlined in which circumstances the medication could be prescribed. The other two were aimed at overturning the court's ruling. All three bills failed to pass. Physician-assisted death is still legal in Montana, but the state doesn't currently have a standard of practice for physicians to follow regarding their patients' requests. I believe they'll try to codify the state's Supreme Court ruling the next chance they get in the legislature.

After careful research and polling, we've found the next likely state to pass a Death with Dignity law will be in New England, and that's where we're currently focusing our efforts. Right now, we're working with a grassroots group in Vermont to enact a law through the state's legislative process.

You can also see other legislative efforts related to end-of-life care on our site: http://www.deathwithdignity.org/advocates/national/

Okay readers, I would like to hear what you think. It's never too early to begin this conversation. As an FYI, HBO will air “How to Die in Oregon” on May 26^th at 8pm. This award winning documentary has been on my must see list for months and I plan to watch it. It would be really cool if we could all watch and discuss the following day. Who's with me?

April is Donate Life Month

2011-04-12T07:20:00.000-07:00

I've talked about organ donation on this blog before, but this time it is personal. I've always been an organ donor. Whenever I've gone to the DMV, I indicate my intentions on my driver's license. I've also told my family this fact because if I'm dead, I won't be around to say, "Hey, can you make sure that someone gets my eyes, my liver, my skin or maybe my heart?"

But, according to statistics, not a lot of people are organ donors, especially in Texas, and I'm wondering why? Does it have to do with the whole, if I bury my head in the sand and not think about death, it won't happen to me mentality? Are people afraid to make that committment because of a superstitious fear that they're inviting the Grim Reaper into their lives by planning for their end of life wishes? Or do people fear that they won't receive the best care in the emergency room if they're a donor? I found the following information on the Texas Organ Sharing page to answer some of those fears.

Emergency room doctors are there to save lives and will do everything possible to save one’s life.
One’s celebrity or financial status does not play a part in the decision. Organs are allocated based on a variety of medical and logistical factors including blood type, size of organ needed, waiting time, distance between donor and recipient, degree of immune system match and medical urgency, among others.
All major religions, including Catholicism, support organ and tissue donation as one of the highest expressions of compassion and generosity. Pope Benedict has stated that to give one’s organs means to give expression to a true, deep act of love for one’s neighbor.
Donation does not interfere with funeral arrangements. A donor can have an open casket funeral.
Anyone can be a potential donor, regardless of age or medical history. The good news is that a single donor can save or improve the lives of more than 50 people.

I know death is a super personal issue, but I'm writing about it because I think it's time we all started thinking and talking about it. Death and taxes, people. Which of these inevitable aspects of life would you rather discuss?

So, here's the dealio. I'd like for you to be brave and discuss right here on my blog your thoughts about organ donation. If you don't feel comfortable, simply vote in my poll. But, I'm hoping we can get a discussion going. This issue might not be of importance to you right now so you're not thinking about it. But it might be when you least expect it.

I know when we think of charity, we think of dropping a buck or two into the Salvation Army bucket during the holidays or sending a check to our favorite cause, but organ donation is free. We're all going to die at some point, so why not give the ultimate gift of life?

Thoughts?

And the Winner is...

2011-04-10T06:40:00.000-07:00

Chernoblog!
Thanks to everyone who posted on my blog. You rock!
I wrote all your names down on a piece of paper, crumpled them up and let my son draw a name from his Nasa hat.

And the second winner is Life. 9 voted for Life and 5 for Death. (That's according to my informal poll.) Thanks also to the peeps who voted there.

Have a great Sunday!

Contest-a-palooza!

2011-04-05T15:52:00.000-07:00

Hey boys and girls! Step right up and don't be shy. If you post a comment on my blog this week, I will enter your name into a hat and on Sunday, I will draw one lucky person's name to win a signed copy of Creative Nonfiction's Issue 33-Silence Kills.

Thanks for stopping by!

It Rhymes with Breath, as in Last

2011-04-04T16:04:00.000-07:00

I totally agree with this post by Peggy Bird on Open Salon, when she states that death is the last taboo of American culture. Heck, sex is all over the place. You just have to watch a news report on Charlie Sheen and there's prostitutes, drugs and violence all rolled into one overpaid, overcelebrated mess of a man. And we eat this stuff up. Don't believe me? Snooki from The Jersey Shore was paid $32,000 buckaroonees to speak at Rutgers. Her words of wisdom to the college crowd? Study hard, but party harder. Wow, her parents must be so proud.

Okay, I digress, which I'm prone to do. Sorry. Back to death.

I've noticed that when I speak of my manuscript, people will lower their voices as if we are engaging in an illicit conversation. For some, there may be a superstitious fear that if they acknowledge death, that it will find them. I used to belong to this group. If I don't think about it, perhaps it will just go away. Well, we all know that that's not really an option.

But, avoiding those that are dying is fairly easy to do. For most people, death occurs in a hospital or an assisted living facility, although there is a growing resurgence of people opting to spend their last days at home. Unless you work in one of those facilities, you don't face it. If it happens to someone you know and love, of course you are touched by it and you have to face the truth that most of us would rather deny. Death happens. It happens to old people, young people, mothers, fathers, children, pets, sisters, brothers, everybody. It even happens to people we don't particularly like.

Which brings me to people who happen to be on death row. If anyone's death is kept behind closed doors and hidden from the public, it is the men and women who are facing execution by the government. It's easy not to think about executions. Why?

Because it happens to other people, not to good people like us.
Those people are getting what they deserve. It's justice.
I don't have time.
I don't want to think about it.
I don't know enough to join the discussion.

But the truth of the matter is, innocent people have been executed. And yes, so have not so innocent people. But my question to you dear reader is this, if our culture can't openly discuss death without lowering our voices or running away in fear, how can we allow our government to dole out death sentences and carry out that punishment when the average citizen can't even talk about death in general?

I encourage everyone to engage in this conversation. State sanctioned killing is a big issue and the more you learn about it, the more confusing it becomes, but in my opinion, it's something we should all be talking about.

The Cush Life of a Death Row Inmate

2011-04-01T16:06:00.000-07:00

Now that I've been blogging and commenting on the Dallas Morning News' Death Penalty Blog, I have been doing a lot of research on the internet and in person to see how people formulate their opinions on this issue. And this is a pretty big issue, but I don't think your average everyday citizen has given it much thought. It's kind of like you wouldn't think about the safety of child car seats if you didn't have a child. Most people confront this issue when it becomes personal. For me, it was meeting Khristian Oliver and you can read all about my experience with him when my essay Surrender appears in Ten Spurs out of UNT this summer. Or you can read older posts on this here blog.

Anyway, let's move on.

Instead of a sentence of death, I'm all for Life Without Parole as the option for the most heinous crimes. From what I learned at the Alternative Spring Break, the death penalty is three times more expensive than lifetime incarceration in a maximum security prison. So, what's the problem then? Why do certain people still want to kill people who have killed people to deter people from killing more people? Do people really think that life in prison is some sort of spa? I saw a laughably bad interview on Fox News from a lawyer who got a tour of death row and he saw an inmate "sleeping like a baby" with a Hershey's bar on his desk. The man couldn't believe that this person had access to chocolate. It was his belief that we are supposed to be PUNISHING these people, so why are they allowed to sleep and eat candy bars? Well, I don't know about you, but spending 23 hours a day in a tiny cell doesn't sound all that fun. In fact, it might induce depression which could lead to sleep, but that's just the human in me saying that.

So, if you are interested in seeing the living conditions of a Texas death row inmate, here's a great blog written by none other than a death row inmate named Thomas Whitaker. And no, he doesn't have a camera and internet access. He does it all through letters written the old fashioned way and the photos were provided via the Freedom of Information Act.

And just so you know, they don't hand out sleep number mattresses, down pillows or candy bars to the inmates. They are allowed to purchase items from the commissary. That is if they have money placed on their books by a friend or a family member. Many don't. I know, I know. It serves them right.

Anyway, I just thought I'd give you a little behind the scenes look at Texas' death row.

Alternative Spring Break in Austin

2011-03-19T08:33:00.000-07:00

This past week, I ventured down to Austin to write about the Alternative Spring Break for the Death Penalty Blog on the Dallas Morning News. You can read all about the event on that blog and if you feel so inclined, please post your thoughts about the death penalty in America. As of this writing, there are only about 3 active participants posting there, one of whom is kind of monopolizing the conversation. Yes, you will have to register your name and email on the site to post, but it's not like they are going to spam you or make you pay a fee to join the conversation. It's free. Free speech, what a concept!

In the week that I was there, I went from being an essayist to an activist, simply because I used the power of my cheapo laptop to write about something I had sort of a personal interest in. I have been called naive, stupid, a zealot--this was on some guy's Tea party site--um pot calling kettle black, don't ya think?

I realize that people have strong opinions on the death penalty. The pro people think that if you kill a murderer, he or she can't murder again. I propose that incarceration does the same thing. Then they refute with, why should taxpayers pay for three hots and a cot to a murderer? I then say that execution costs almost three times as much as housing a person for life in a maximum security facility. They then say we should just shorten the appeals process and just shoot them because the lethal injection drugs aren't being supplied to the US anymore.

It goes back and forth and back and forth. I'm exhausted from the arguing. If you're against execution, they think you're soft on crime and criminals. But the thing is, I'm not. I just happen to think that our government shouldn't kill people. It's barbaric. Our judicial system is flawed. Some people based on the color of their skin or their economic status become the victims of this inequality. You won't find many rich people on death row. Do rich people commit less murder? Well, you won't find them robbing a liquor store, but they have been known to kill their spouses or parents or children.

I think what gets lost in this debate is that we are talking about real people. It's quite easy to fear what you don't know. What I suggest for anyone who is questioning their stance on this issue, is to do your research. You could also become a penpal with someone who is incarcerated on death row. I'm not telling you to become their best friend or forgive them for their actions. It's just a quick and easy way to bring a face and a heartbeat to an individual who has been demonized. I realize these men and women did not afford their victim this same courtesy, but if we continue this cycle of violence, are we any better?

Okay, well tell me what you think.

Desiderata

2011-03-18T09:06:00.001-07:00

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
Max Ehrmann, (Sept 1872 - Sept 1945). Copyright 1927.

Journey of Hope...From Violence to Healing Blog: Anti-Death Penalty Alternative Spring Break - Austin Texas

2011-03-13T20:40:00.000-07:00

Journey of Hope...From Violence to Healing Blog: Anti-Death Penalty Alternative Spring Break - Austin Texas

Charlie Sheen Has Left the Building

2011-03-10T19:28:00.000-08:00

To get a tiger blood transplant. Okay, I admit it. That was mean. Despite the name of this here blog, I don't wish anything tragic to happen to Mr. Sheen. I just don't think he deserves all this attention for being a prostitute loving, drug addicted, nutcase. I guess we can blame his handlers, who obviously understand the power of social media. Charlie is bigger than, dare I say it, Elvis. And we all know how that ended. On the commode. Not a good way to go.

Move over Charlie. Go to rehab. Or take a nap for a few hours. Leave a little room on major news outlets for the real news of the world.

Speaking of which, I have some exciting news to share. I will be guest blogging about the Alternative Spring Break going on in Austin next week for the Dallas Morning News on their death penalty blog.
You know what would be really cool? If you turned out Charlie and turned on to changing the world. I don't care which side of the fence you're on. I want an intelligent, public discourse on this issue.

Did I mention I think you're really cool for stopping by my blog? And since I'm already attempting to butter you up so you'll follow me elsewhere, have I mentioned that you are...

A rare person. Last time I checked, like say 5 minutes ago, there were 25 of you.
Thoughtful. You'd have to be because death is a pretty serious issue.
Smart. If you can correctly spell my last name, you've already proven to me that you're a card carrying member of MENSA or that you've lived in Norway at some time in your life.
Friendly. Remember that old Faberge commercial about telling two friends, and so on, and so on? Go on now. Be fruitful. Multiply. Tell your friends about me. Good things will happen. I promise.

All The Cool Kids are Doing It

2011-03-01T19:14:00.000-08:00

This past weekend, I attended the DFW Writers Conference in lovely Feet Worth, TX. (And yes, I said feet. My Tom Tom says feet worth and so shall I, dammit.) As some of you know, I moved to Texas in August of last year. The transition from Colorado was rocky, but despite all the setbacks, I found a kick ass writing workshop that I attend every Wednesday night. And from this workshop, I was able to be a part of one of the best writers conferences I've ever attended. And I mean EVER. Take that AWP!

The keynote address by Sandra Brown was funny, informative, personable and my goodness for a sixty something year old woman who has written over sixty best selling books, Ms. Brown looked like a Stepford Wife and I mean that in the best way possible. She was gorgeous!

I attended some wonderful classes, particularly Kristen Lamb's class on social media and agent Dawn Frederick's on the book proposal. Both women were nice, inspiring and willing to share their knowledge and insight with little old me. (Well, me and a couple hundred other people, but I can't list them all here because my brain has turned all mushy from all the info I learned.)

Okay, so what made this conference different than the rest? The people. Hands down this was the nicest conference I've been to. People were chatty and encouraging and genuinely interested in perfecting their craft. Okay, okay, the Query gong show was really the highlight and I'm sorry I missed the first one. George and Russ made it fun whie the agents gave the audience a peak into their thought process. What stops an agent from reading or responding favorably to your query?

One word. Cancer.
Too many big things going on, such as murder, espionage and maybe a tsunami all before the end of the first paragraph.
Starting out with a question such as, "What would you do if...?"
Comparing your writing skills to a certain woman writer who happens to be richer than the Queen of England
Vampires
Teenagers bonding with old people. Teenagers don't care about old people. They care about boys or girls or both.
Lost journals. Nobody wants to read a book about somebody reading a book.

Oh, and there's more, but this old gal is tired. I had a blast. I spent the whole day writing. I was that inspired.
What was your favorite part of the conference? Any good quotes, overheard conversations, or lessons learned? Tell me now...

I've Been a Bad, Bad Blogger

2011-01-13T06:56:00.000-08:00

Without school to hold me accountable for my writing output, as well as a residential move, a new job, new kids schools and all the mundane jazz that has bogged down my daily existence since October, I've been a very lazy blogger. And a lazy writer too. I guess part of the problem is I don't know what to do with my manuscript, so I'm just letting it be. Sometimes my writing needs to collect dust in the proverbial desk drawer before I can actually "see" it. At least that's what I'm telling myself to rationalize the fact that it remains untouched.

There's other issues with my death book. I contacted an agent, or rather he contacted me, after a school trip to New York. This was extremely exciting, but also kind of a pressure cooker for my mental state. It required me to pinpoint what I intended to say to the world with this manuscript. In the end, my vision was at odds with the agents. My book idea is quirky. It's a memoir. There's no celebrities or experts or big life changing epiphanies. In the end, I discovered an essential truth that all human beings know, but like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, I had to take a fantastical journey to learn the most basic of life lessons. Do you want to know what it's about? Here's the elevator pitch...

An anxious woman on the verge of a mid-life crisis embarks on a quest to figure out why death scares her so much. Her journey involves self reflection, meeting people who work with death, befriending a couple whose two-year-old son died, and interviewing a death row inmate on the day of his execution.

Why am I the person to write this book? I'll tell you why--because there's probably not a lot of people out there who are willing, not to mention flush with free time, to embark on a similar trip.

Okay, enough about me.

Even though the pages are written and the thesis has been turned in, the story continues. I have now befriended Khristian Oliver's girlfriend, Sonya Reed. (Mr. Oliver was the man who was executed by the state of Texas on November 5, 2009.)

Ms. Reed is incarcerated in Gatesville, TX. She recieved 99 years due to Khristian's actions. Although she didn't know me, she sent me a heartfelt letter to thank me for being with Khristian on his last day and making him laugh. This floored me. Since that day, I correspond with Sonya on a regular basis and I try to visit her when I can. I'm not really one to gush about people, but I have to say that Sonya Reed is one of the smartest, kindest and most eloquent people I have ever met. She is part of the story, but she is also now part of my life. Two days ago, I received a letter from The Sun magazine informing me that a story that Sonya wrote and that I submitted on her behalf was accepted for publication. I felt so proud of her and I wish that I could have just called her and congratulated her, but I couldn't. I had to write a letter.

Which brings me to this plea for Ms. Reed. She is in prison. She does not have much money placed on her books. When she was incarcerated, she was pregnant with Khristian's child. She hasn't seen that child in ten years. The basic necessities that we all take for granted, like a bottle of shampoo are denied to the women behind bars, unless they purchase it from commissary. Stamps, same thing. They get 15 hotel sized bars of soap a month to wash their bodies and their hair. Can you imagine?

Do you know how wonderful it feels to help someone who really needs it? Who is actually appreciative of that help, however small? It's the best thing you can do. If you would like to help Sonya with the price of a cup of coffee at Starbucks, please think about making a tiny donation to her books. Doing so is easy.

Go to http://www.jpay.com/ You have to set up an account, but it is secure. Her number is 878111.

Thanks for listening.
Pamela

The Austin Book Festival

2010-10-18T10:09:00.000-07:00

So, this weekend I ventured to Austin to attend the Austin Book Festival. I went with the intention of meeting David Dow, who wrote "Autobiography of an Execution." The reason? Mr. Dow was Khristian Oliver's last attorney. I had corresponded with him briefly and wanted to meet him in person. I also wanted to attend the lecture, which had three writers discussing their various books that happened to deal with execution.
There was Dow, whose book I'd read, Thomas Cahill (A Saint on Death Row) and Robert Elder (The Last Words of the Executed). The discussion was fascinating, but much too short. Oddly, I knew the moderator from a writing conference I attended in Ouray, CO. It is such a small world. I have posted a link to the lecture and I encourage you to view it. Capital Punishment in America

I am in the audience and at one point, the camera focuses on my grimaced face. I of course look at the camera. So, that alone should compel you to watch!

I bought Cahill's book and just finished it. It is a short, but very powerful book. I highly recommend it. It came out last year and is now available in paperback.

Well, that's all the news that's fit for print. I'm busy working on my manuscript and one day maybe my book will be on the shelves of your local bookstore.

Letters to and from the not yet dead

2010-10-01T16:13:00.000-07:00

There was a story in the news today about a man that was stranded in Joshua Tree National Park without food or water. He wrote notes to his family, believing that he would die and he wanted to communicate with those he loved. It got me thinking. I contacted a man who knew he was going to die for my thesis because he knew the actual date and time. It wasn't a terminal diagnosis that could last months or maybe years. There was a timeline attached to his life. Because of that ticking clock, he answered my questions about his impending death. That experience changed my life.

Currently, I am communicating with another man on death row. I'm not doing it for this project, but because I was asked to by the man's spiritual adviser. I was hesitant at first because the man's crime scared me, whereas Khristian Oliver didn't. But, I wanted to "be the change I wanted to see in the world." Regardless of what this man did, he is still a human being. He does not deserve to be treated like an animal. If we want people to change their ways for the better, it helps to treat them like a human being first. Most people live up to the expectations of others. If you are constantly reminded of how bad you are, what's the point in trying to change your ways? What if it didn't matter? What if there was an expiration date tattooed on your forehead?

This man I'm communicating with has chronicled every execution at the prison he is at. He didn't know all of the men, but he felt it was important that there be some sort of writing about them that didn't involve their crime. Yes, they've done horrible things, but think about this if you will...

Picture your worst day. Maybe a day when you yelled at your kids or said something mean and spiteful to your spouse or your best friend or the cashier at the store. Maybe you did something worse. Now, imagine that that day will forever be broadcast to everyone you know and that's how you will be remembered.

Kind of sucks, huh?

Ever thought of being a pen pal to a death row inmate? Click Here.

Behind the Pine Curtain: The Death Penalty

2010-09-23T08:08:00.000-07:00

Behind the Pine Curtain: The Death Penalty

The Life of David Gale

2010-09-21T15:55:00.000-07:00

Just saw this movie about the death penalty last night. It's an interesting premise with good acting from the leads, but some really bad acting from the supporting characters. Good writing, though.
Interesting quote from the movie

Movie about the loss of a child with Nicole Kidman

2010-09-15T16:47:00.000-07:00

The movie is called The Rabbit Hole. I'm wondering if the subject matter will bring people to the movie or keep them away.
Will you go see it?

Funeral Scams

2010-09-08T13:37:00.000-07:00

Interesting page from the FBI on funeral scams.
http://www.fbi.gov/page2/september10/fraud_090310.html

Chat With Rosemary Meier, Female Funeral Director

2010-09-03T05:28:00.000-07:00

Autumn Funerals, Cremation & Burial

At fifty, Rosemary Meier changed her life direction by working with death.

Pamela: Are more people choosing cremation over burial? How about green burial?

Rosemary: Over the last decade there has been a rise in the percentage of cremation over traditional burial. We do about 90% cremation at our funeral home.
Several families have asked about green burial. We do have a natural casket in our showroom that was handcrafted in Portland, Oregon. It was made from sustainably harvested woods, and no toxic chemicals or glues were used.

Pamela: What compelled you to work in the funeral industry?

Rosemary: When my grandmother died of cancer in 1970, I was amazed at how beautiful she looked at the viewing berfore her funeral service. Since that day I had wondered how the embalmer had transformed her features. Years later I enrolled at Mt. Hood Community College in the funeral service program, graduating as a funeral director and embalmer. I feel that my calling is to meet with families and help them through the process of making funeral arrangements.

Pamela: What are the challenges in your profession?

Rosemary: The greatest challenge is to keep up with the fast pace and meeting the needs of families 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Pamela: What are the misconceptions about your line of work?

Rosemary: One misconception is that funeral directors sit around all day waiting for someone to pass away. That is very far from the truth. To be a funeral director, you need to "multi task." We need to answer the phone, do a tremendous amount of paperwork, record data on the computer, make arrangements with churches, cemeteries, airlines, etc. Funeral directors meet with families and help them plan services, make memorial folders, work with the Veterans Administration, and submit obituaries to newspapers.

Another misconception is that all funeral directors are somber men that are dressed all in black. Many women as well as men are funeral directors in this day and age. Funeral attire can be gray, navy blue, and neutral as well as black. On the whole, Funeral directors are ordinary everyday people assisting families to make their arrangements, and to move forward in a positive way toward closure.

Thanks Rosemary!

Got a question for a funeral director? Anything you're dying to know? (Pun intended) Ask Away!

Fear

2010-08-30T10:33:00.000-07:00

“According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.” Jerry Seinfeld

Do you see that face up there on the left? That is the face of fear--it is a mask I wear to fool my brain and nervous system that all is cool despite the fact that at that particular point in time, my mind was working overtime with neurotic worry. Am I going to have to address this audience of over 400 people? Please, say it isn't so. Deer in the headlights, ladies and gentleman, deer in the headlights.

You might not be able to tell that I'm afraid, but believe me, I was. I had just been called up onstage at the Mayborn Literary Nonfiction Conference to accept my "award" for being accepted into Ten Spurs, their literary journal.

Before I embarked on my death journey, I was afraid of both death and public speaking. (Actually being in public with people looking at me kind of freaks me out too.) But now, I've kind of chilled to both. I went to a hypnotherapist to help me with the speaking thing because I had to do a reading at graduation. I was still nervous when I read from my manuscript, but I was able to calm myself when my heart felt as if it were going to shoot out of my throat. Yes, I'm still not overly excited about exiting the earth, but I'm a lot more accepting of the idea than I was two years ago.

Take my poll on the blog. It's conveniently located on the top right hand corner. Let me know what you fear more.

Graduation

2010-08-22T07:39:00.000-07:00

Me and Tom French

Me and Diana Hume George

Okay, so I know that graduation has absolutely nothing to do with death, but I wouldn't have embarked on this journey had it not been for Goucher college and the pursuit of my MFA. See that cute little lady up there? It was a random phone call to her house that started it all. I called her house and a funeral home answered. That got us talking. Who works at funeral homes? And why?

From there, the project morphed into a personal journey of why I feared death. I wanted to solve this mystery by being around people who worked with it and or faced it.

Tom worked with me during my most difficult semester. I'm sure he wanted to pummel me over the phone on numerous occasions due to my constant hand wringing and apprehension over the simplest of tasks. I was kind of a weenie. But in the end, it all worked out. Jacob Levenson, who was my last mentor wasn't able to attend graduation, but he was integral in making sense of all the research I collected.

It was a happy and sad day. It was the culmination of two years of an emotional roller coaster ride. In school, I loved that I was given permission to write. I had to do it. I was held accountable. Now, I have to embark on the book proposal--solo. There will be no hand holding, no early morning phone calls, and no one to say, "Pam, don't forget to hold the baby."

I'll miss that.

Would You Want to Live Forever?

2010-07-04T09:16:00.000-07:00

Okay, like the rest of the world, I'm kind of caught up in the whole Twilight saga. Vampires are everywhere--books, popular TV shows, and that whole Edward and Bella dilemma. Granted, vampires are sexy, with the exception of this guy, who basically started the whole thing.

But, has anybody really thought about the ultimate problem of becoming one of the undead? (Besides the fact that you have to suck blood in order to survive like a mosquito) Yes, you get to live forever. Yes, you will remain young and good looking. But, and there's always a but--you will see every mortal you've ever loved die. Forever and ever. So, either you will live a life of perpetual grief, or you will isolate yourself to tramp around the woods in some gloomy sun starved place to chase down furry woodland creatures for all of eternity.

No thanks.

What do you think? Are you so intrigued by the world and its inhabitants that you want to stay here forever? Do you like funeral wear? Darkness?

Discuss.

Report: Swiss Clinic Founder May Profit From Assisted Suicide

2010-06-24T21:37:00.000-07:00

Death Tourism?

Report: Swiss Clinic Founder May Profit From Assisted Suicide

Joran Van der Sloot: The Making of a Predator - Mental Health | Illness | Disorders - FOXNews.com

2010-06-08T09:56:00.000-07:00

Joran Van der Sloot: The Making of a Predator - Mental Health | Illness | Disorders - FOXNews.com

Gary Coleman's 'Wife' Reveals His Last Words - iVillage

2010-06-07T12:09:00.000-07:00

Gary Coleman's 'Wife' Reveals His Last Words - iVillage

Stick a fork in--it's done

2010-05-26T08:33:00.000-07:00

My thesis is done and is at the binder. I feel a great sense of relief that school is over. This project turned into something a little different than I expected, but it is what it is. This summer I plan to write a book proposal emphasizing the fact that my journey into death culture was absurd, funny and profoundly earth shaking. (Not my words)

And it was.

A Painting of Khristian Oliver by Jessica Piddock

2010-05-26T08:27:00.000-07:00

Jessica Piddock : JUST-US 999301

TV Weekend: Death Becomes

2010-04-24T16:22:00.001-07:00

TV Weekend: Death Becomes Him

Posted using ShareThis

Japan's 'Lonely Deaths': A Business Opportunity

2010-04-06T14:56:00.000-07:00

Japan's 'Lonely Deaths': A Business Opportunity

Kermit and Khristian Oliver

2010-02-27T08:43:00.001-08:00

A news piece about Kermit Oliver's painting of Khristian

A New Book by Thomas Lynch

2010-02-22T19:08:00.001-08:00

NY Times Book Review

20 Years of Defending Death Row Inmates

2010-02-10T14:31:00.000-08:00

Interview with David Dow about his new book

Here's an NPR story about David Dow. He was Khristian Oliver's lawyer at the end. He talks about him a lot in this interview.

I'm just going to post interesting articles that are death related

2010-02-02T10:18:00.001-08:00

If you find some, please send me a link. I'm always curious to read about these things and I think a lot of people are.

I'm busy writing away on my thesis. The first 75 pages need to be edited, polished and pretty by next monday. I'm in the final stretch.

Finding a better way to grieve: newyorker.com

2010-02-02T10:15:00.000-08:00

Finding a better way to grieve: newyorker.com

Durango Herald News, Book profiles feline angel of death

2010-02-02T10:11:00.000-08:00

Durango Herald News,
Book profiles feline angel of death

The End

2010-01-21T09:27:00.000-08:00

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.

Eleanor Roosevelt

Amen, sister. Dang, this year I faced a lot of my fear. And you know what? I lived to tell about it. In a way, it's kind of a let down because it is the end of all the different experiences I went through. Now it's down to writing and revising and book proposals and finding an agent. Okay, okay--that will be frightening in itself.

Yesterday, Heather and Dan's baby girl was born. She's healthy and cute as a button. I feel so grateful that I got to witness her birthday.

I guess I have nothing left to blog about. Hopefully, the only time I'm back on here is with good news or something. I don't want to be known as "the Death Writer." Writer would be nice.

And now for something completely different -- Life!

2009-12-12T06:21:00.000-08:00

Yes, it has been awhile since I've posted a word on this here blog. It has been a tough month. I've been writing a lot trying to make sense of the things I've experienced in the last year, and especially the last month. I just finished an essay for Creative Nonfiction's latest call for submissions. It had to be on the subject of death and dying. Well, gee, how could I not send something in? It's called "Surrender" and it is about my experience in Texas. I'll just say it was mighty difficult to condense that story into 5,000 words. But, I did it. Now I can move on.

It is the holidays, in case you hadn't noticed. In regards to my thesis, I am now done with the death part. I have interviewed and hung out with some amazing people--people with tough jobs. I feel honored to have spent time with them. There are truly angels walking among us.

Now, I await the birth of another little angel. She is due in the first week of February. Her parents are amazing and she is a very lucky girl to enter into their family. They have agreed to allow me to be present at her birth. I feel so excited and honored to be given that opportunity.

Thanks for reading.

Forgiveness

2009-11-11T11:20:00.000-08:00

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."

Lewis B. Smedes

I have been thinking a lot about both the Oliver and Collins families after the death of Khristian Oliver. Collins' son Joe Collins Jr. is quoted on KRTE.com as saying Oliver's final statement was "more self-healing for him than for us," Joe Collins Jr. Said shortly after the execution. "He didn't admit to much. He wanted us to feel better and have some closure. But it's kinda hard." He goes on. "There wasn't nothing difficult. I looked at him. I didn't see any real remorse in his eyes. It was very easy to stand there," said Collins Jr.

This is a man who has held onto a lot of anger and hurt for eleven years. Do you think his father would have wanted him to live his life this way? I hope not. What he failed to realize is that Khristian's death was not going to erase that pain he was feeling. Watching a man die in the hopes that it will dissolve years of sorrow is hoping for, well--a miracle. Khristian or any other man who is being executed is scared, not to mention strapped to a gurney with a microphone lowered from the ceiling to his mouth. It's hard to look remorseful under such circumstances. Perhaps Mr. Collins should have spoken with Khristian while he was still alive--given him the chance to express his remorse. There is no finding it in a brief statement at such a stressful moment for all involved.

I don't mean to sound disrespectful of the Collins family. I can't even imagine that hurt that they have experienced. I hope that they can finally find peace.

As far as Khristian's family, they too are grieving for their son. It is my sincere hope that they have support and kindness through their grieving process. Most of the articles about their son have postings by anonymous people who spew vengeful, ugly words. This makes me sad. People hiding behind the anonymity of the internet to express their hatred.

Maybe if we all tried to treat others as we wanted to be treated and forgave those who have wronged us, the world would be a kinder, gentler place. I can at least hope for that and try to live it in my own life.

I went to Texas to interview Khristian Oliver

2009-11-08T15:22:00.000-08:00

Khristian's interview with ABC

This was a life altering experience and right now I can't even write the words that will do this story justice. I need time to let things sink in.

Going to Texas

2009-10-30T09:13:00.000-07:00

My thesis is bringing me to Texas to witness the human drama of an execution. I'm going there with a fair amount of reluctance, but also a genuine curiosity.

Since this thesis is about death and the people who encounter it in their daily professional lives, I am interviewing Mike Graczyk, an AP writer who has witnessed and written about several (I'm talking hundreds here) executions, a chaplain who spiritually advises inmates and is a source of comfort, Jim Willett, a former warden, and Khristian Oliver , the condemned man. People who commit suicide and death row inmates are the only people in the world who know the date and approximate time of their deaths. And no, I am not going to be present for his execution. He has invited his five people and frankly, I'm not quite sure I should be present.

Obviously, the person missing from this equation is the victim, Joe Collins. He has nothing to do with my thesis, but in all the stories surrounding Khristian Oliver and his trial, he is missing. So, I thought I'd mention him in this post.

The above picture of Jesus was painted by Kermit Oliver, Khristian's father who is a renowned artist from Waco. The face of Jesus is Khristian.

Okay, finally I would like to post something from Story Corps about forgiveness. If you have not listened to Story Corps, now is the time. It's fabulous and real. Get your Kleenex ready.

Story Corps

Thanks for reading.

Where is my motivation?

2009-10-14T20:25:00.000-07:00

Well, it has been missing over the past two weeks. Actual living can erase all thoughts of death and dying. For most, that is kind of a good thing. Why worry about it?

For me, it is not so good. I am supposed to be pounding out the pages on my manuscript, but lately I haven't been motivated to do so. I've had sick kids, I adopted an adorable little kitten who is hell bent on destroying every piece of furniture I own, and my actual day job has been demanding lately.

But, that all ended yesterday. In August, I contacted a death row inmate named Khristian Oliver. My reason? A death row inmate is the only person, besides someone intent on killing themselves, who actually knows the date and approximate time of their death. When I polled people about knowing when they were going to die, most said they'd rather not know. So, I was curious. Mr. Oliver didn't scare me. Yes, he killed someone (and no I don't condone killing people) but there was something about him that made me feel I could approach him. So, I wrote him a letter. He replied and politely declined to be interviewed. I accepted that and didn't pursue anyone else. It's a weird line of questioning I'm going after and quite frankly, it's an uncomfortable spot to be in.

Yesterday, I got a letter from him out of the blue. It actually made me cry. It was simple and straightforward and honest. Without him actually saying it, I saw his loss of hope. He has accepted his fate.

Now I am desperately trying to figure out the best way to interview him. Time is running out. His execution date is November 5, 2009.

Grief

2009-09-30T14:02:00.000-07:00

If you click on the title, there was an interesting article stating that prolonged grief is now considered a mental disorder.

I don't have much to say. I'm still grieving about my cat Spooky.

Hey, will you vote in my poll?

Goodbye

2009-09-22T12:33:00.000-07:00

There is something about the presence of a cat that seems to take the bite out of being alone. ~Louis J. Camuti

After failing at my first attempt at college, I was once again living with my mother. She was not particularly happy about this arrangement and was counting the days until I would get my shit together and get the hell out of her two- bedroom condo. Instead of leaving, I dug in my heels and adopted a cat. There was an ad in the paper under animals that stated in bold dramatic typeface, “Adopt or Die!” My, god, I thought, I must save this poor animal from a cruel and untimely demise. The truth was, I was lonely. Somehow I thought that adopting a cute little needy kitty would fill the void left by my first boyfriend.

I immediately drove to the house to check out the death row kitties. They were five of them, all black and spastic, clamoring for my attention on the living room floor. That is, all except one. He was cool and ambivalent about my presence. He couldn’t even bring himself to look at me. Like the men I was attracted to at the time, he was perfect. You don’t want me? Well guess what Mr. Nonchalance, I’m going to take your flea ridden ass home and make you like me.

Our first night together wasn’t the greatest. He hid under my bed and tried to swipe at my ankles every time I passed by. The only time he wanted to be near me was when I began eating my mom’s tuna casserole as a smelly enticement to come hither. Upon sniffing the aroma of my odorous dinner, he clawed his way up the white eyelet bedspread and proceeded to bat the fork out of my hand, causing tuna and noodles to fly across my room. Our love affair began.

RIP

Spooky aka "Pooty"

March 1989 - September 22, 2009

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep

2009-09-18T18:13:00.000-07:00

Today, a fellow Goucherite Ly Nguyen posted a blog entry on Facebook that got some people talking about postmortem photography. This used to be a very common practice, but in 2009, a lot of people think it's creepy and morbid.

For my manuscript, I interviewed a woman who volunteers for an organization called www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org She is a photographer who takes pictures of babies who have died during birth. The photographers who volunteer for this organization are amazing. They are providing a valuable service to families who are in the deepest depths of grief.

I encourage everyone to go to their site to check it out. Please watch the video on the About Us page. Turn the sound on your computer up and listen to the lyrics. Have some tissue at the ready. I promise it is not gross or disturbing. It's actually very tasteful and beautifully rendered art photography.

Alex, I'd like to Buy a Kidney Please

2009-09-09T19:49:00.000-07:00

Well, for those who voted in the poll, we have 5 donors out there and 3 non-donors. I'm an organ donor and I have the heart on my driver's license to prove it. I don't care what they take. I just hope that maybe some of it can be of use to somebody.

If you click on the title, there's an excellent information site on organ donation. If you decide to donate your organs, be sure and check with your state. They all have different forms you have to fill out. And be sure to let your family know your intention. Or, you could just tattoo your body.

If you are thinking of donating your body to science, which is a whole other ball game, I totally recommend the book Stiff by Mary Roach. Funny as hell and very informative. Although, it might make you rethink your choice. But, maybe not. Hey, doctor's have to practice cosmetic surgery on somebody.

Living Wills

2009-09-02T18:54:00.000-07:00

Well, the poll results were less than stellar on the living wills. Only five people voted. One of those people has a living will. Good on you. The other four, time to think about that. Including me. Note to self.

Next poll is, drum roll please, Are you an organ donor? Please vote. It makes me feel happy inside. You do want that don't you? September is a hard enough month, let's make it a little bit brighter.

I'm going to do a bit of research about what happens when you donate your organs, what you need to do, etc. But don't hold your breath about this post. I don't want anyone to pass out on me while I troll the internet for interesting tidbits.

Take care. And remember to floss.

The Bucket List

2009-08-29T07:34:00.000-07:00

My sister-in-law's father died last year. His passing caused her to compose a bucket list. For those of you who don't know what that is, it is a list of things that you want to accomplish before you die, or "kick the bucket." Some of the things she put on her list-- skydiving, riding in a hot air balloon, and river rafting. On her Facebook page, after inquiring that I wanted to see her list and why, she replied "I'm not afraid of dying, I'm afraid of not living."

This got me to thinking about things I wanted to do or see by the time I die. I couldn't create a list. I think it's because I pretty much do everything I've wanted to do, much to the chagrin or annoyance of the people who know me. I've gone skydiving, but it wasn't a big wish of mine. I kind of got dragged along with my sister. I had a blast and was going to pursue diving solo, but then the guy that I did my first tandem jump with died a couple of weeks after my first jump. He was doing a tandem jump with a woman celebrating her birthday. That incident pretty much sealed the deal that I didn't want to risk my life for that rush of adrenaline. I'd always have my first jump and the memory of how awesome that felt.

Traveling? Sure, there are places I'd like to go, but I wouldn't feel that my life was any less rich because I hadn't seen the pyramids in Egypt or the Great Barrier Reef. I'd love to spend a summer in Europe, but being the realist that I am, it's probably not going to happen until Publisher's Clearing House shows up at my door, or I pick the winning lotto numbers.

I'd love to publish a book and also get my screenplay sold and made into a kick ass movie. BUT, those wishes are dependent on the fickle whims of anonymous people. I'm trying to accomplish those things, but I can't make them happen. I can only try. And I do try. I try a lot. Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you. I'm a determined person. Kind of like a pit bull, only nicer.

So, if you click on the title link, it will take you to a web page where you can compose your own bucket list.

I'd love for you to share some of your dreams with me right here. It's okay to comment. I won't bite.

Cremation is the Winner!

2009-08-26T10:03:00.000-07:00

There are a couple of hours left to vote, but I don't think I'm gonna get inundated all of a sudden. So, at this writing, 17 people voted in the poll. This makes me kinda happy inside. I did some surfing of the web, and if you click on the title, you can go the The National Cremation Association to get a better idea of what is in store for you. That sounds so morbid. Sorry.

I also found this interesting article on their site. It is called "Getting Creative with Cremains" and is written by Carolyn Banks.

by Carolyn Banks

More of us are choosing cremation these days, says Jack Springer, executive director of the Chicago based Cremation Association of North America. In some states (Alaska, Arizona, California, Florida,Hawaii, Montana, Nevada and Oregon), more than half the people choose to be cremated rather than buried, Mr. Springer says.

"The number has been going up gradually but steadily over the past 20 years," he adds. "This is because we're living longer and making our own choices. Cremation is easier to arrange. It is also viewed as less expensive than burial."

But Mr. Springer also says most people don't know what to do with a loved one's cremated remains — or "cremains" as they're often called. The word has quickly gaining popularity. Human cremated remains weigh, on average, about 6.5 pounds and, in volume, take up a shoebox sized space. Scattering ashes is an age-old tradition. You can have your ashes scattered on your own property or, if you get permission, someone else's. It's legal to scatter cremated remains on public land — in national parks, for example — as long as the place chosen isn't a Native American burial ground. Scattering at sea is also legal. Federal law requires that the ashes be dropped at least three nautical miles from shore. You can also have the cremated remains placed in an urn that will dissolve in water. The state of Washington requires that scattered remains be no greater than 1/8 inch in diameter, but this seems an unenforceable law. In any case, crematories generally process the remains into smaller granules before turning them over to loved ones, Mr. Springer says. Because of the growing popularity of cremation, many cemeteries now have designated gardens or trails where ashes can be scattered. Many also offer large, rock-like structures bearing a nameplate to hold cremated remains.

Swim with the Fishies

Mr. Springer wants his own remains placed in a "reef ball" and put into the sea near the island of Bimini in the Bahamas. This is where he and his family have gone to dive for years, he says, and "it would give the kids a reason to go back."

Want to be cremated?

Be sure you fill out a legal form called "Designation of Agent for Disposition of Remains" so you can name someone who will carry out your wishes. You can download the form online at the Texas Legal Services Corporation Web site (www.tlsc.org). And be sure to tell the person you name that you've done this!

"Eternal Reefs" are hollow, concrete structures with holes that accommodate small fish and other oceanic life. They can be cast for individuals or be made to contain the remains of up to five people, each memorialized with a plaque. The remains are mixed with the concrete so they become part of the reef. Family members, if they wish, can be present when the remains and concrete are mixed, and

they can go out on a boat to watch the reef being placed. Eternal Reefs (www.etemalreefs.corn) of Decatur, Ga., has sites where reefs can be placed in New Jersey, Maryland, North Carolina, Florida, South Carolina and Texas.

The least expensive reef costs around $1,000; placement charges are additional.

Out with a bang

Columbiad Launch Services in Canada (www.columbiad.ca/starburst/index.html) will load your cremains into a Mosquito rocket and eject them into the atmosphere. Their Web site boasts that the company will launch your entire remains, not just a token amount. An individual launch costs $12,500, but if you're willing to have your Remains go up with others, the price comes down to a mere $500. After the launch, the cremated remains are ejected and will waft back to earth. The launch service says some ashes may be picked up and swirl about in jet streams.

A video of the launch is made available, and it can also be viewed on the Internet.

Celestis, Inc. in Houston (http://memorialspaceflights.com/intro.asp) will place what it calls "a symbolic portion" of your ashes into a sealed container and blast you off into what their Web site calls "the peaceful solitude of space." It will cost just under $1,000 for a one-gram launch, and more if you would like more of your remains to go. Loved ones can either be present at lift-off or view it on DVD. Not surprisingly, Gene Roddenberry, the creator of "Star Trek," chose this way to sign off, as did James Doohan, the actor who played the chief engineer, Scotty, of the original Starship Enterprise.

Such a Jewel!

The carbon in your cremated remains can be made into a diamond, says

LifeGem, an Elk Grove, Ill., company (www.lifegem.com). It costs about $1,000 at minimum. Once you're a gem, you'll have to be mounted into a ring or pendant, and that will cost a bit more. If this is way out of your price range, you might purchase a piece of jewelry into which your loved ones can insert a portion of your remains. Most cremation jewelry even comes with a little funnel for the do-it-yourselfer. Perfect Memorials (www.perfectmemorials.com) has a wide selection

of decorative capsules for cremated remains - hearts, teardrops, crosses and

even abstract designs. Glassmementos, a company based in Eugene, Ore., (www.glassmementos.com) can fashion your ashes into a sphere, a bud vase, a palm-sized touchstone or a hanging ornament. A portion of ash is mixed with molten glass, then re-dipped into clear glass to completely seal it inside a beautiful glass reliquary.

The art at death

Is there an oil painter whose work you admire? Copying a technique pioneered by a Biloxi, Miss., company called Eternally Yours Memorial Art, you could pre-arrange to have your cremains mixed with oil paint and brushed onto a canvas that can grace a wall in your loved one's home. How do you see yourself? As a tranquil summer meadow? A fiery autumnal display? You get to decide. You can even have most of the work on the painting done while you're still around and have the

cremains mixed in to complete it when you're gone. If you decide to store your remains the traditional way in an urn, Urnsmart, headquartered in Bowie, Md., has a Web site (www.urnsmart.com) where you can find clock urns, picture frame urns, urns made of exotic woods, urns that will store a flag, even urns made to look like bowling pins. Perfect Memorials has a number of what they call "sport urns" which enable you or your loved one's remains to be stored in something that reflects his or her hobbies or other interests. You can buy an urn with a hot air balloon painted on it, for instance, or one made to look like cowboy boots.

Go out in style

"Cremation gives you lots of options," says Mr. Springer. "You scatter for the deceased and you memorialize for the living. You can do both with cremation." Convenience is yet another reason more people are choosing this method of departure. With a conventional burial, Mr. Springer points out, survivors have to act within a few days of your death, but cremation, a memorial event that may include a dramatic exit like those described here, can be scheduled months later.

Everything you want to know about cremation can be found on the Cremation Association of North America’s computer Web site, www.cremationassociation.org.

Five Wishes States - FYI

2009-08-25T19:54:00.001-07:00

Dr. Death

2009-08-25T17:52:00.000-07:00

Today I wrote a short, and I mean short, fiction piece for NPR's Three Minute fiction contest. It had to begin with the line, "The nurse left work at five o'clock." Being the procrastinator that I am, I waited till today, the deadline (no pun intended) to compose the story. My mind veered towards assisted suicide.

This is a heated topic and I'm sorry if I've offended you oh blog reader with the sight of Dr. Death himself.

At this writing, Oregon is the only state where a person can legally kill themselves. I don't know which side of the fence I'm on. But, I'm sure there are people who are suffering to such a degree that they just want the pain to end. And I'm talking physical pain, here.

I talked with some people for their thoughts on this subject. One woman said, "My dad said if he ever started losing it, he might just wander off." The problem with that scenario is that once you've lost your mind, you forget to wander off.

I propose that people young and old start thinking about how they want to die. There is a simple form here in my state called "Five Wishes." You only need two non-related people to sign as your witnesses. I think I'm going to get one this week.

If you click on the title, Dr. Death, it will take you to the Five Wishes sight. I triple dog dare you.

Another Murder Suicide at a Motel

2009-08-24T07:02:00.000-07:00

This guy hung himself in a motel after killing his wife. He cut off her fingers and pulled out her teeth so she couldn't be identified. Her breast implants identified her. Wow. This is really sad. What kind of person could do that?
Click on the title to go to the story.

Death at the Sheraton

2009-08-23T07:34:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago, I had a poll on this blog asking people this question--if they knew there was a murder/suicide in their hotel room, would they stay in it? Most people said no. Well, it wasn't a lot of people, but I don't think a lot of people follow this blog. If they do, they're keeping awfully quiet about it. Hint, hint.

When I was in Baltimore at school, I stayed at the Sheraton. I knew that a man had killed his two daughters, his wife, and then himself on the tenth floor. When I checked in, I was put on the tenth floor. It was kind of fitting, considering what I'm writing about. But, I was totally freaked out. Was I in the room? I couldn't get a straight answer from the staff, who were told to stay quiet. Understandably. Later, I found out that I wasn't in the room, but the place still creeped me out.

I'm currently writing about this experience for my thesis. I remembered something I'd read by David Foster Wallace in his essay, "Up Simba" for Rolling Stone. Wallace frequently mentions suicide in his writing, and last year he killed himself at home. His wife found him. Anyway, here's an excerpt from "Up Simba," about Wallace's experience on the 2000 McCain campaign trail.

"Rolling Stone, who is in no way cut out to be a road journalist, invokes the soul-killing anonymity of chain hotels, the rooms’ terrible transient sameness: the ubiquitous floral design of the bedspreads, the multiple low watt lamps, the pallid artwork bolted to the wall, the schizoid whisper of ventilation, the sad shag carpet, the smell of alien cleansers, the Kleenex dispensed from the wall, the automated wake-up call, the lightproof curtains, the windows that do not open—ever. The same TV with the same cable with the same voice saying “Welcome to ___________” on its menu channel’s eight-second loop. The sense that everything in the room’s been touched by a thousand hands before. The sounds of others’ plumbing. RS asks whether it’s any wonder that over half of all US suicides take place in chain hotels."

I can't seem to find any statistics to back this claim up. Although, there was a study done about Vegas hotels. It seems a lot of people kill themselves there. Gives new meaning to the marketing phrase, "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas."

Apparently, that can include your body.

Okay, this has nothing to do with death

2009-08-21T19:54:00.001-07:00

I officially start back to school next week. That means I will be held accountable for my writing. What it really means, is that I will have to get off my buns and do some stuff that makes me uncomfortable. Before me, the meat and potatoes of this manuscript, is hospice and death row. The latter doesn't make me as squeamish as the first. I sent in a request to a prison in Texas to interview their Chaplain. Hopefully they will approve this. I am so curious to see what this man or woman has to say. They are the only person to offer comfort in an inmates final minutes. Whether he is requested to be there or not, he is. He will give last rights, hold their hand, or simply remain silent. What a powerful thing.

Hospice scares the hell out of me. I think the people that work in that profession are angels here on earth. I want to talk to them, follow them around, and observe. In doing so, I will be face to face with many people who know they are dying. I hope I can keep it together. We'll all be there sooner than we think.

The Death of a Pet

2009-08-19T15:24:00.001-07:00

My sister-in-law lost her beloved cat of 14 years a couple of days ago. The cat was hit by a car and a neighbor informed her of what happened. She was really sad. With my three cats, I've had to put them all "down." I don't know which is worse--playing God, or having your pet die suddenly and unexpectedly. What do you think?

I did have my three cats cremated. I still have their ashes, and when the last cat passes, I am going to bury them all together. I would have buried them in the back yard, but my dog would have made things extremely disturbing for me. Like a lot of dogs, she likes to bury things and then dig them back up. It's funny, not haha funny, but when my first cat was cremated, the humane society took a really long time to return the ashes. I called to find out what was going on. They said that they were waiting for more animals before they fired it up. In other words, Penny's ashes were intermingled with Spike's and Fluffy's and maybe a hamster or two.

Losing those fur balls has been very difficult. They're like members of the family. I saw this pic of a pet cemetery in San Francisco. Why aren't there more? Stephen King perhaps?

Birth and Death

2009-08-17T19:43:00.001-07:00

Okay, just like my life sometimes, this picture is kind of screwy--both the content and the way I have uploaded it. Since I am technologically challenged, you'll just have to bear with me. Today is my birthday. For most people, this is a happy day. For me, it is usually a day of reflection. I think about what I've done so far--what I haven't done. What I want to do. Life goes by super fast. Blink and you'll miss it. I like to keep my eyes open. Maybe that's why I'm ruminating on the whole death thing. It's going to happen to us all.

My meeting with the medium on Friday was kind of strange. She told me that I died suddenly and tragically in my past two lives, so in this life I made a contract to explore death and not to fear it.

So, how did I spend my day? I went to work. I went to my kids' school orientation. Then I came home. Did a little more work. Dabbled on Face book. Now, I'm here. Posting a silly little thought out loud. I'm grateful I'm here today. Despite the screwiness of things, I'm pretty lucky and I appreciate the fact that I've had this day.

The End of the Road

2009-08-12T08:12:00.000-07:00

I commute 55 miles every day in an area that is chock-full o’ wild life, so I it is not uncommon for me to encounter road kill. On my daily drive, I’ve seen: dogs, cats, porcupines, foxes, prairie dogs, squirrels, birds, deer, elk, raccoons; all in various states of damage on the side or smack dab in the middle of the road.

Today, I saw something that some might view as hitting the road kill lotto, a giant black cow. It was incredibly disturbing to see the amount of blood on the highway. People in India were probably weeping, not to mention the person who hit the giant animal and the farmer who owned it.

Random thought that popped into my head. How does one hit a cow? It’s not like they are a sprinting, leaping kind of animal. They’re slow. And careful. They chew their cud and rest in the shade. Perhaps I’m wrong about this. I mean there is a line in a nursery rhyme about a cow jumping over the moon. Maybe there is a secret life to cows that I’m not privy to. Anyway, someone hit a cow in open range country. Bummer. I wonder if they left a note on the cow?

Seeing road kill makes me sad. Hitting an animal with my car makes me even sadder. Thus far, it has only been a little chipmunk and a couple of birds, which always scares the hell out of me. They have wings. They should be able to get the hell out of the way in a quick manner.

So, what have you hit? Do you feel bad about it?

Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?

2009-08-10T19:28:00.000-07:00

John Hughes passed away this past week. I was a teenager in the 80's and his films meant so much to me, especially Sixteen Candles. Whenever I see that movie on tv, I will stop what I'm doing and watch. I swore that it was written about me and my longing for the most popular boy in school. To his credit, Mr. Hughes was able to get into the heart and mind of a teenage girl and capture what it felt like to be "crushed" by love and longing. He got it right. If only Jake Ryan had showed up on my sixteenth birthday. Man he was hot! I heard he's a carpenter now.

Okay, I digress, which is not unusual for me. In addition to capturing teenage life, Hughes was able to do it in an incredibly short amount of time. I read somewhere that he wrote The Breakfast Club in like 24 hours. The man kicked some writing ass.

RIP Hughes

Dillon Egger

2009-08-09T20:45:00.000-07:00

Durango resident Dillon Pearce Egger died on Wednesday, July 29, 2009, at Swedish Medical Center in Denver from injuries he suffered in a one-car accident on Wolf Creek Pass three days earlier. He was 18.

Click image to enlarge

Egger

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Egger

Mr. Egger was born to Bob and Debbie Egger in Durango on Oct. 16, 1990. He graduated from Durango High School in May 2009.

His family said Mr. Egger accomplished a lot in his 18 years. He was an avid snowboarder and enjoyed playing his guitar, listening to music, tubing down the Animas River and playing golf with his father and friends. Mr. Egger was active in the parish of St. Columba Catholic Church.

Mr. Egger most recently worked for The Durango Herald and Directory Plus. He was looking forward to attending Fort Lewis College. His ambition was to study medicine and become a plastic surgeon.

"Dillon will be remembered for his happy-go-lucky attitude, his mischievous smile, his baggy pants and his kind, gentle spirit," his family wrote. "In Dillon's giving, generous and unselfish nature, it was his wish to be an organ donor. For those of us who knew him best, we have been truly blessed to have had him in our lives."

Mr. Egger is survived by his parents, Bob and Debbie Egger, of Durango; brothers Timothy Pearce of Cortez and Justin Egger and Troy Egger, both of Madison, Wis.; sisters Kayla Pearce and Shelby Egger, both of Durango; grandmothers Doris Pearce of Durango and Donna Egger of Farmington; and numerous aunts, uncles, nephews and cousins.

A rosary will be recited at 6 p.m. Sunday, Aug. 2, 2009, at St. Columba Catholic Church. A service will be held at noon Monday, Aug. 3, 2009, also at St. Columba. A reception will be held after the burial.

In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions may be made to the Adopt-a-Student Program and sent to Kathrene Frautschy, St. Columba School, 1801 East Third Ave., Durango, CO 81301.

The family requests that parents take the time to hug their children and let them know how much they are loved.

Okay, one more post

2009-07-22T11:21:00.000-07:00

Gidget, the Chihuahua that was Taco Bell's spokesdog died today of a stroke. She was 15. That's pretty good for a dog. Must have been all those chalupa's she ate.

Deadly Window Display is Dismantled

2009-07-22T07:55:00.001-07:00

The Death Writer is going to school for two weeks, so no new posts till August 10.

What do you think of this window display at Barneys in NYC? It was quickly taken down after people complained.

Small? Large? No. A medium.

2009-07-17T15:09:00.000-07:00

I met with Annee Jawor today. She is a medium living in Colorado, and due to some sort of cosmic serendipity, I was lead to contacting her for my thesis. Interesting stuff. I'm not going to share what we talked about (You'll just have to wait until this puppy gets published;), but I will say I'm going to get a reading from her. If you are interested in contacting her, go to www.ascentofanangel.com.

After I left her house, I went to Taco Bell and had a terrifically horrible lunch of Nachos Bell Grande. I was starving and I needed to pee before driving the hour back to my house. When I got into my hometown, I decided to drop by the fire station. Turns out I'd missed the day to be running calls. They had quite a day on wednesday. It didn't matter. I interviewed one of the EMT's and had a transformative, therapeutic, scary as hell talk with him. It's really been a wonderful day. Really.

It's a loaded question, but...

2009-07-16T17:55:00.000-07:00

What do you think of the death penalty? Please take a moment to vote. It's completely anonymous, so I won't know which side of the fence you're on.

Why am I asking? Well, two stops down on this journey, I'm going to be writing about death row in Texas and some people who are associated with it.

I'm not quite sure where I stand. I've never lost someone to an act of violence. If a person killed someone I loved, what would I want their punishment to be? I don't know. I've looked at a lot of inmates and their crimes and I still can't make up my mind. On the one hand, there's the saying, "an eye for an eye makes everybody blind." But, there is also true evil with out an iota of remorse. Do they deserve to sit in a cell and eat three squares a day with an hour of sunshine and recreation?

What do you think? Be vocal. Or just vote in my poll. Pretty please with a cherry on top.

I See Dead People

2009-07-13T16:50:00.000-07:00

Actually, I don't. But have you ever gotten the feeling that you're not alone? Or do you feel like maybe you have a guardian angel watching over you? I have.

I am a firm believer in the spirit world. Some people may think I'm kooky, but it wouldn't be the first time that my demeanor has given me that label. This friday I am meeting with a medium who lives in my area to interview her for my thesis. I can't wait to find out about her gift.

Have you ever visited a medium? Tell me about it.

Is there something wrong with a child speaking at a funeral?

2009-07-12T07:37:00.000-07:00

I have never been to a funeral. Scratch that. I went to my Grandma’s funeral but I don’t remember being at the funeral. I remember the car ride back from the funeral. It was painful and I didn’t know how to deal with all the emotions I was feeling. I don’t know why I can’t remember the actual service. I was 14. I should be able to remember it, shouldn’t I? Did I block it out? Did I not pay attention? I don’t know.

Like all things Michael Jackson, there has been a giant media maelstrom over the fact that his daughter was allowed to speak at his funeral. Granted, this was not your typical funeral. There were 17,000+ people. There was media. There was celebrity. But that girl wanted to tell the world that she loved her dad. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that.

What do you think?

The White Cloud

2009-07-11T10:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my last day hanging with the Fire Department. These four guys (Ian, Dan, Adolph and Kyle) referred to me as the "white cloud," because every time I was there, all calls stopped. In the month and a half I spent at the fire station, I only went on three calls. None of them were traumatic or fatal. This is great for my home town, but not necessarily for my writing.

If anything, I have the utmost respect for the men and women of the world who answer our 911 calls. They have little or no idea what they are going to be walking into--a woman who couldn't get her order of Chicken Mc Nuggets to a four car MVA with multiple fatalities. They have to think on their feet, keep calm, and try their best to save our lives.

I salute you.

Digging up the Dead for Profit

2009-07-09T20:52:00.000-07:00

I read the news today-- oh boy.

Jessica Mitford is probably rolling around in her grave. (No person in their right mind would dig up her grave to reuse the plot. She'd haunt their ass for eternity.) You should read her book about the money crazed funeral industry. It's called The American Way of Death. Be sure and get the revised edition.

These people should be ashamed of themselves for doing what they did. Have they no respect for the dead? Or for their families?

I'm getting cremated.

Celebrity Death

2009-07-08T18:30:00.001-07:00

This is how I will always remember Michael Jackson, despite all the freakish incarnations he inhabited in his short life. "Thriller" was the first album I ever bought and I played it over and over while practicing my roller skating moves in the basement. My mom bought me the red leather jacket he made famous. Granted, it was from Venture, it was white, and it was pleather, but I still thought it was cool. I even had one sparkly glove. I don't think I ever wore that bedazzled oven glove outside, but I did wear it at home. Yes, ladies and gentleman, I am a geek.

A geek who loves all things celebrity. My happiest day of the week is when my People magazine arrives in the mail. I love watching the Oscars and for years, I have dreamed that one day I will be accepting an award. At first it was for acting, but I'm a little long in the tooth and far removed from Hollywood for that to happen, so for now it will be "Best Original Screenplay" or "Best Documentary."

So, what does Michael Jackson and my celebrity worship have to do with death? Well, he died. I don't know if you know that or not. I am writing that with my tongue firmly planted in my cheek. I don't know why I get so saddened when celebrities die. But I know that I'm not alone. Hell, all the confirmation you need was at the Staples Center yesterday. Youtube it.

My question for you, yes you, is this...Has there been a celebrity passing that really affected you?

Michael didn't make me sit and watch tv for hours, but I sure felt the passage of time with his exit.

Kurt Cobain was the first person to die that really packed a wallop. Perhaps it was that he took his own life, or that I really connected with his music. I felt that way about Michael in my youth, but then he got too weird. And I became a parent.

So, please post a comment. I'm dying to hear what you have to say.

The Death Writer

2009-07-07T16:44:00.000-07:00

Please don't confuse me with the "Hoff," aka Knight Rider.

I know this is a scary name for a blog, but it kind of fits right now. I'm writing a book for my graduate thesis about people who work with death. Apparently, I have to build a platform, so that when I send off my manuscript to some publishing house in the next year or so, they'll see that the wonderful people (that's you) are interested in death and more importantly, what I think of death.

For those who know me on a personal level, I have yet to experience a significant loss in my life. At this date, it's been three cats, and my Grandma. That's it. It's a big part of the book. I'm kind of scared of death. But, who isn't? Maybe you aren't. And I'd like to know that.

What is this blog going to be about? My journey. I'm keeping the tasty writing bits in the manuscript, as publishers tend to frown on giving away the milk for free. I'm going to post facts, quizzes, pictures and hopefully, one day, some good news.

Thus far, I've interviewed an embalmer, the coroner, a photographer who volunteers for Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, and a grief counselor. I've also volunteered for hospice and right now I'm riding along with EMT/Firefighters to see what their work lives are like.

At the top, there's a pic of me operating the "Jaws of Life."

New Posts Coming Soon

2009-07-07T11:20:00.000-07:00

Stay Tuned!