Okay, so the other day, I was awarded another "Kreativ Blogger" award by Sarah who blogs at the Writer's Experiment. I am flattered by these awards, but to be honest, I feel bad because I don't invest enough of my time reading other people's blogs and commenting. I could give you several excuses as to why this is, but the truth is, I don't. My excuse is just a story. We're all busy, we all have "to do" lists, jobs, dishes to wash, laundry to fold, teeth to brush, mountains to climb, toenails to paint, etc
I don't know if you are aware of this, but I've started another project called Finding my Religion and it's taking up a lot of my time. Not only am I doing extra reading, Bible study and starting this Sunday, I'll be attending church, I'm writing about my experience, as well as blogging about it. I am a writer. Whether or not Barnes and Noble recognizes this fact is irrelevant. I am choosing to live the writing life. While the actual writing is a solitary activity, the research is not. I have to go out there and find my story, my characters, my narrative arc. I wish I had a talent for fiction, but I don't. It would be so much easier and I'd probably have a lot more time.
I don't want this blog to be neglected while I do the other one, so I need your help. I'm looking for a few things and if you know anyone or you want to step forward, I would be forever grateful. Okay, here's what I need.
1. People to interview for my Monday Mournings posts. The questions are the same for everyone. I just need people who are willing to share their story on this blog. These posts are quite popular and get the most traffic. If you're a blogger, it's a wonderful place to show your writing chops and to drive traffic to your site with the added benefit of making others feel less alone.
2. Professionals to interview. This could be a hospice volunteer, a nurse, a veterinarian, an EMT, a bio hazard cleaner, a chaplain. Heck, I've got an interview with a flight attendant coming up. Who knew there was so much death at 30,000 feet! They don't have to be a blogger. If you know someone, send them my way.
3. Guest Blogger I know you've thought about it, so here's your chance. Write a post for the death blog. Pitch me an idea that you can tell in under 600 words. Or it could be a Tuesday Movie post. I need content and you want to write. Let's be friends:)
Okay, that's my story. I need help.
Friday, June 29, 2012
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Working with Death Wednesday: Photographer
My name is Nicky, and I am a mother, a wife, and a photographer, living in Derbyshire. I have 2 older brothers, both married with children, and we are no strangers to grief, starting with losing our father when I was 19, and each losing a child in later life.
DW: What is Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep?
NH: NILMDTS is a charity organisation based in the US which brings professional photographers into hospital to use their skills to provide portraits for bereaved families who have lost a baby. They have volunteers all over the world though they are not as well known in the UK as in the US yet.
DW: How long have you been volunteering with them?
NH: I became an affiliated photographer about 18 months ago.
DW: What made you want to become a volunteer with this organization?
DW: What is Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep?
NH: NILMDTS is a charity organisation based in the US which brings professional photographers into hospital to use their skills to provide portraits for bereaved families who have lost a baby. They have volunteers all over the world though they are not as well known in the UK as in the US yet.
DW: How long have you been volunteering with them?
NH: I became an affiliated photographer about 18 months ago.
DW: What made you want to become a volunteer with this organization?
NH: I lost my stillborn daughter 11 years ago; I came across NILMDTS about 4 years ago, just as my photography was becoming more than just a hobby, and I decided I must get involved to help parents like us have something tangible to help them always remember their lost baby. Photographs I have of my daughter Kim are not great, and if NILMDTS had been around then, I would definitely have been glad of their service.
DW: Can you tell me about your first experience volunteering?
DW: Can you tell me about your first experience volunteering?
Monday, June 25, 2012
Tuesday Movie: Rabbit Hole
Rabbit Hole stars Nicole Kidman and Aaron Eckhart as a married couple trying to redefine their lives after the death of their young son. I'm not a huge Nicole Kidman fan, but I think she does a marvelous job of portraying a mother trying to make sense of her grief and anger. It's a tough film to watch, but I'm glad that it was made. I can't be the only person in the world who likes a movie that handles tough subject matter.
I used to hate to cry in movies, but now I actually kind of like it when a movie moves me to tears. It's somewhat therapeutic.
So, what movies have made you weepy? I'd love to hear your suggestions for future Tuesday selections. Oh, and if you haven't noticed already, I have a new blog. It's about my spiritual quest. Go check it out.
Finding My Religion.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Monday Mournings: The Death of a Child at Birth
My name is Nicky, I'm in my 40s and originally from the Midlands, UK; my mother still lives in the house where I was born. I'm married with 2 children, 2 of 3, the middle one being stillborn. I'm a photographer now my children are older, but I was a fulltime Mum for 11 years.
DW: Who was the person that died?
NH: When my son was not quite 3 we lost our first daughter Kim, stillborn at term, with no apparent reason why, and no answers form a post mortem. I found the lack of answers strangely reassuring, if nothing was found, I felt it was unlikely to happen again, though it was hard to go through 3 early miscarriages before finally becoming and then staying pregnant with our second daughter, at which point worry just drifted away - her due date was Kim's birthday which we took as a good omen.
DW: How old were you at the time?
NH: I was in my mid-30s
DW: Can you tell me about her birth?
NH: Kim had a healthy heart beat through the labour, but once born, she didn't breathe and couldn't be made to breathe, and so drifted away minutes after she had arrived.
There was no clue that Kim was not going to live, it was a shock and I was initially numb, entangled with the fatigue from an overnight labour, it was as if it was happening to someone else, almost like an 'out of body' remote experience.
DW: Had you experienced any other deaths in your personal life before Kim died?
NH: I attended my first funeral at the age of around 7, a lady who had been 'like a second mother' to my father after his own mother died, and I saw her in her coffin in the front room of the house, with the curtains partly drawn, as used to be the tradition. That's all I remember, just her in her coffin in that room, I don't remember the service or anything else. By the time I was 14 other family friends were having cancer treatment or heart attacks then suddenly Dad himself had cancer diagnosed when I was 16. He died when I was 19. The year of the movie "Four Weddings & a Funeral", I attended 4 funerals and a wedding as elderly uncles and aunts began to die - my mother was the youngest of 8 by several years. A colleague died of Leukaemia at age 24 when I was 22. Death was all around. Perhaps all of that loss was preparation for the greatest loss of all, the loss of a child. My brother lost a child when I was expecting my son. Losing a child goes against the natural order, you expect to lose your parents at some point, but not a child. I became familiar with grief.
DW: Were people supportive of your grief or did they shy away when you were grieving?
NH: Immediate family and friends were very supportive, though my mother found it almost impossible to tolerate. Through having my son I had built a wide network of other Mums, friends to one degree or another, on whom I could lean a little so not becoming a burden to one or two. I also sought counselling through my doctor. One person wondered if I was 'grieving properly' as they had not actually seen a tear fall. I dislike crying in 'public' so she didn't see me on the days when I cried, until she made me cry, then she seemed happy.
DW: Was Kim buried or cremated?
NH: Kim was cremated after just me, my husband, our midwife and 2 friends present at a short service with a couple of readings. We did not feel a large funeral appropriate, and unnecessary for us. We had a huge number of cards and armfuls of flowers at home and wanted to say our private goodbye.
DW: Did you learn anything about the grieving process that you'd like to share?
NH: Grieving is exhausting and if you find you are having a 'happy day' - a day where you feel optimistic, uplifted, positive, not sad - then embrace it and don't feel guilty. A day off from varying degrees of despair and heart-wrenching pain can be a good thing, so Have a Happy Day, once in a while, if it comes, run with it, its ok, let yourself be happy. Ultimately, for most of us, life does go on. It doesn't mean that we have forgotten the lost loved one. Its a bit like pulling into a lay-by for a rest from driving along grief's road, which can seem endless, especially at the start.
I put a signature in my emails at the time which said: "The body is well, the mind is managing, and the love of Kim's healing gift is keeping the heart from breaking." The healing gift was that Kim's birth went very well and was a positive experience despite her death, after a very traumatic birth with my son 3 years earlier which had left me severely traumatised. (I was hospital-phobic at that time, which was a serious problem.)
DW: Who was the person that died?
NH: When my son was not quite 3 we lost our first daughter Kim, stillborn at term, with no apparent reason why, and no answers form a post mortem. I found the lack of answers strangely reassuring, if nothing was found, I felt it was unlikely to happen again, though it was hard to go through 3 early miscarriages before finally becoming and then staying pregnant with our second daughter, at which point worry just drifted away - her due date was Kim's birthday which we took as a good omen.
DW: How old were you at the time?
NH: I was in my mid-30s
DW: Can you tell me about her birth?
NH: Kim had a healthy heart beat through the labour, but once born, she didn't breathe and couldn't be made to breathe, and so drifted away minutes after she had arrived.
There was no clue that Kim was not going to live, it was a shock and I was initially numb, entangled with the fatigue from an overnight labour, it was as if it was happening to someone else, almost like an 'out of body' remote experience.
DW: Had you experienced any other deaths in your personal life before Kim died?
NH: I attended my first funeral at the age of around 7, a lady who had been 'like a second mother' to my father after his own mother died, and I saw her in her coffin in the front room of the house, with the curtains partly drawn, as used to be the tradition. That's all I remember, just her in her coffin in that room, I don't remember the service or anything else. By the time I was 14 other family friends were having cancer treatment or heart attacks then suddenly Dad himself had cancer diagnosed when I was 16. He died when I was 19. The year of the movie "Four Weddings & a Funeral", I attended 4 funerals and a wedding as elderly uncles and aunts began to die - my mother was the youngest of 8 by several years. A colleague died of Leukaemia at age 24 when I was 22. Death was all around. Perhaps all of that loss was preparation for the greatest loss of all, the loss of a child. My brother lost a child when I was expecting my son. Losing a child goes against the natural order, you expect to lose your parents at some point, but not a child. I became familiar with grief.
DW: Were people supportive of your grief or did they shy away when you were grieving?
NH: Immediate family and friends were very supportive, though my mother found it almost impossible to tolerate. Through having my son I had built a wide network of other Mums, friends to one degree or another, on whom I could lean a little so not becoming a burden to one or two. I also sought counselling through my doctor. One person wondered if I was 'grieving properly' as they had not actually seen a tear fall. I dislike crying in 'public' so she didn't see me on the days when I cried, until she made me cry, then she seemed happy.
DW: Was Kim buried or cremated?
NH: Kim was cremated after just me, my husband, our midwife and 2 friends present at a short service with a couple of readings. We did not feel a large funeral appropriate, and unnecessary for us. We had a huge number of cards and armfuls of flowers at home and wanted to say our private goodbye.
DW: Did you learn anything about the grieving process that you'd like to share?
NH: Grieving is exhausting and if you find you are having a 'happy day' - a day where you feel optimistic, uplifted, positive, not sad - then embrace it and don't feel guilty. A day off from varying degrees of despair and heart-wrenching pain can be a good thing, so Have a Happy Day, once in a while, if it comes, run with it, its ok, let yourself be happy. Ultimately, for most of us, life does go on. It doesn't mean that we have forgotten the lost loved one. Its a bit like pulling into a lay-by for a rest from driving along grief's road, which can seem endless, especially at the start.
I put a signature in my emails at the time which said: "The body is well, the mind is managing, and the love of Kim's healing gift is keeping the heart from breaking." The healing gift was that Kim's birth went very well and was a positive experience despite her death, after a very traumatic birth with my son 3 years earlier which had left me severely traumatised. (I was hospital-phobic at that time, which was a serious problem.)
DW: Were any songs played at her memorial?
NH: We made a conscious decision not to play music and then forever have a sad association with something that could come on the radio and upset what might be a stable day that day. Instead we had 2 children's stories read out, as well as poems we had each written, my husband and I. The books were No Matter What and Time for Bed. The first one talks about a mother loving her child no matter what, and includes a line "Love like starlight never dies". We had to hide them for a few years as we couldn't read them at bedtime to our son, but eventually we were able to read them to our 2nd daughter without getting choked up. We still have them.
Thank you Nicky for sharing your experience. Nicky will be back on Wednesday. She is a photographer with Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep in the UK.
I'm looking for contributors for both my Monday and Wednesday posts. Do you work with death in your profession? Or know someone who does? Let me know. And thanks for stopping by and reading. If you like this blog, please share it on Twitter, Facebook or Google or do it the old fashioned way and tell someone about it in person.
Pamela
NH: We made a conscious decision not to play music and then forever have a sad association with something that could come on the radio and upset what might be a stable day that day. Instead we had 2 children's stories read out, as well as poems we had each written, my husband and I. The books were No Matter What and Time for Bed. The first one talks about a mother loving her child no matter what, and includes a line "Love like starlight never dies". We had to hide them for a few years as we couldn't read them at bedtime to our son, but eventually we were able to read them to our 2nd daughter without getting choked up. We still have them.
Thank you Nicky for sharing your experience. Nicky will be back on Wednesday. She is a photographer with Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep in the UK.
I'm looking for contributors for both my Monday and Wednesday posts. Do you work with death in your profession? Or know someone who does? Let me know. And thanks for stopping by and reading. If you like this blog, please share it on Twitter, Facebook or Google or do it the old fashioned way and tell someone about it in person.
Pamela
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
WTF
Hey, this is a PG-13 blog, so don't even let your mind go there. Wednesday-Thursday-Friday. That's what it stands for.
So, yeah, it's Wednesday on the old Death Writer blog and I have neither a writer nor a professional to talk with today. I am totally to blame as I didn't actively pursue anyone to interview until, well, today. And that would be Tuesday. I've been living. My son has been learning to swim. He's 8 and when we lived on that mountain in Colorado, we didn't exactly have swimming pools behind every house. So, he's learning how to be a little fishy a little later than most kids. But, what he lacks in experience, he makes up for with exuberance. He is slowly discovering how to move about in water. Yes, it freaks him out, but like his mom, he jumps in anyway. Sometimes with a gentle nudge from the instructor.
I've also been reading the Bible, a lovely Children's edition from the 60's, for my other writing project on religion. And let me tell you, it takes a loooooooooong time to read the Bible. You probably already know this if you're a Christian, but like my son, I'm arriving to the party a little late. Anyway, I'm like a graduate of the Evelyn Woods speed reading course and I still haven't gotten very far into it. I'm writing down passages and scratching my head and wondering where Cain's wife came from and all sorts of other stuff that makes no sense. Maybe if I'd read this earlier in my life, I'd get it. I've got four different Bibles, but I like the Children's one the best. I'm also starting a Bible study group on Sunday and I did the whole week's lesson in one day. When it asks, so how do you feel about Jesus now (I'm paraphrasing) I'm like, the same as I did yesterday. Ah, faith. Where art thou?
I've also been reading The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath. This could be contributing to my lackadaisical attitude this week. I'm kind of sucked in and repelled at the same time. I always knew that she'd committed suicide at the age of thirty and I'm thinking this book is somewhat autobiographical of her life, despite it being fiction. I could be wrong. I often am. It's kind of making me sad, but I would feel like a giant jerk if I didn't finish it.
So, yeah, it's Wednesday on the old Death Writer blog and I have neither a writer nor a professional to talk with today. I am totally to blame as I didn't actively pursue anyone to interview until, well, today. And that would be Tuesday. I've been living. My son has been learning to swim. He's 8 and when we lived on that mountain in Colorado, we didn't exactly have swimming pools behind every house. So, he's learning how to be a little fishy a little later than most kids. But, what he lacks in experience, he makes up for with exuberance. He is slowly discovering how to move about in water. Yes, it freaks him out, but like his mom, he jumps in anyway. Sometimes with a gentle nudge from the instructor.
I've also been reading the Bible, a lovely Children's edition from the 60's, for my other writing project on religion. And let me tell you, it takes a loooooooooong time to read the Bible. You probably already know this if you're a Christian, but like my son, I'm arriving to the party a little late. Anyway, I'm like a graduate of the Evelyn Woods speed reading course and I still haven't gotten very far into it. I'm writing down passages and scratching my head and wondering where Cain's wife came from and all sorts of other stuff that makes no sense. Maybe if I'd read this earlier in my life, I'd get it. I've got four different Bibles, but I like the Children's one the best. I'm also starting a Bible study group on Sunday and I did the whole week's lesson in one day. When it asks, so how do you feel about Jesus now (I'm paraphrasing) I'm like, the same as I did yesterday. Ah, faith. Where art thou?
I've also been reading The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath. This could be contributing to my lackadaisical attitude this week. I'm kind of sucked in and repelled at the same time. I always knew that she'd committed suicide at the age of thirty and I'm thinking this book is somewhat autobiographical of her life, despite it being fiction. I could be wrong. I often am. It's kind of making me sad, but I would feel like a giant jerk if I didn't finish it.
Here's Sylvia and her husband in happier days
So, I'm sorry I didn't provide you with a witty, wonderful writer or an angel of a professional today. Next week, I promise.
So, what are you reading? And if you don't read, can you swim? I certainly hope so. Because life would be pretty darn boring without books and large bodies of water. So, did you take lessons or did your older brother throw you in the deep end and you kind of winged it? An inquiring mind wants to know.
Monday, June 18, 2012
Tuesday Movie: Dear Zachary
I was originally going to suggest another movie, but on Friday night, one of my friends suggested that I watch
Dear Zachary, which is a documentary that will blow your mind. Seriously. I don't want to give anything away other than that this film is about a man, Andrew Bagby, who was murdered by his ex-girlfriend. The murderer is pregnant with Andrew's child. The man's best friend, a documentary filmmaker, decides to make a film about Andrew for the son who will never know his father.
Yes, it's about a murder. But, more importantly, it's about how we affect the people around us, leaving the viewer with the question--how will I be remembered? It's like It's a Wonderful Life without the happy ending.
Trust me. This is a very important film if you are a human and I'm assuming you are:) DO NOT GOOGLE this movie and read about it before you watch it. And watch it with someone you love. And don't forget the Kleenex.
It's available on Netflix.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Monday Mournings: The Death of an Uncle
Hello. My real name is Anna, but I blog and write under the pen name Carrie-Anne, which I adopted for myself in May of 1993 after The Hollies' song. I'm 32 years old, though I still pass for someone in her twenties. No one ever guesses my age right. I've been writing since I was four years old and last year took my long-deferred dream of being a published writer off the back burner. I write 20th century historical fiction sagas and sometimes write soft sci-fi. I'm originally from the Pittsburgh area, but I've lived most of my life in Upstate NY. I also lived in the Berkshires for awhile, during which time I went to UMass Amherst for a degree in history and Russian and Eastern European studies. In the near future, I may finally be going to grad school for library science, though I still dream about getting a master's degree and doctorate in 20th century Russian history, my passion. Most of my hobbies and interests stem from my lifelong love of history, like silent film, antique cars, vinyl records, coins, stamps, old books, old cemeteries, and genealogy. Speaking of genealogy, one of my nine-greats-grandfathers came to Colonial America in the 1640s, supposedly to escape Oliver Cromwell, and I'm extremely proud to have such vintage American roots on that branch of my family tree.
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Father's Day
This past week, I finally got around to reading The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. The small, hard cover edition was for sale at my library. I paid a buck and brought it home. It's one of those books that you can read in one sitting. I'm sure you are all familiar with the Last Lecture even if you haven't seen the video or read the book. It's about a guy with a terminal diagnosis reflecting on his life for the sake of his three young children. It's beautiful. This guy loves his kids and he wants them to know him as they grow up without any memories of him. I want Randy Pausch as my dad.
Which brings me to Father's Day.
It is a holiday that I absolutely hate. None of the Hallmark cards can express to my father what I want to say to him. I wrote an essay about him and it's been rejected by quite a few places. If you want to read it, I'll email it to you because I'm experiencing technical difficulties. It's called Poker Face. Not to be confused with this Poker Face.
Now, for my husband, the day is a different story. This year, I am inspired by the Last Lecture. I want my kids to make cards for their dad and be very specific about what they appreciate about him. We all want to know what we're doing right and the more specific we can be, the better. We will probably take him to the batting range since he's been talking about going there for months. Then we'll probably go eat somewhere he likes.
What are you doing for Father's Day?
Which brings me to Father's Day.
It is a holiday that I absolutely hate. None of the Hallmark cards can express to my father what I want to say to him. I wrote an essay about him and it's been rejected by quite a few places. If you want to read it, I'll email it to you because I'm experiencing technical difficulties. It's called Poker Face. Not to be confused with this Poker Face.
Now, for my husband, the day is a different story. This year, I am inspired by the Last Lecture. I want my kids to make cards for their dad and be very specific about what they appreciate about him. We all want to know what we're doing right and the more specific we can be, the better. We will probably take him to the batting range since he's been talking about going there for months. Then we'll probably go eat somewhere he likes.
What are you doing for Father's Day?
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Versatile Blogger Award
My award, courtesy of Lily Tequila
Her blog is called "Wishbone Soup Cures Everything"
Gosh, I sincerely wish it did!
Well, I don't know how versatile this blog is. I just talk about death and kind of stick to that, but hey, I'm a Leo and if someone wants to give me an award, I'll take it! But, I did start another blog today. And it's on Word Press! Oh, the horror! I guess I am versatile.
If you've been following me, you know that my next quest is of a spiritual nature. You can read my lame-o first post here. I think I need the self-deprecating blogger award. Can someone get on that, please?
Here are the rules:
1. Add the award to your blog.
2. Thank the blogger that gave it to you.
3. Mention 7 random things about you.
4. List the rules.
5. Award to 15 bloggers.
6. Inform each of those 15 by leaving a comment on their blog.
Okay, so I did number one. Thank you Lily for the award. Everyone go check out her blog and show her some love! Okay, here's my 7 random things.
1. I wanted to be a professional roller skater when I grew up. Not a derby girl, mind you, just a professional roller skater. You know, someone who just skates all the time. I love to roller skate. I don't do it enough, but I probably should because it makes me happy.
2. My father is a professional poker player.
And there he is. And no, the cigar was not lit. If I ever write a memoir about
my wacky life, this will be the cover image.
3. I don't watch TV. I am very much out of the pop culture loop in that regard. I don't think I'm missing much.
4. I love astrology. My favorite astrologer is a Canadian woman named Georgia Nicols. I'm a Leo, Sag Rising with a Pisces Moon. I also have some planetary aspects that point to an obsession with death. Ha! Ya think?
5. I'm an INFP. I've taken the Meyer's Briggs test two times. Once at 18 and once at 35. I always hoped that it would change, but it didn't. It's a wonderful personality for writing, so there ya go.
6. Although I don't watch TV, I love going to the movies. But, I have to be the first person in the theater so I can sit exactly where I want - first row with the rail in front of me. I don't like strangers sitting next to me, but I like having the movie theater experience of laughing or crying with a bunch of people I don't know. Yes, I'm odd. I love popcorn, diet Pepsi and Hot Tamales for the show. My favorite movie of all times is The Shawshank Redemption.
7. I met my husband in a bar. I was the bartender. He ordered a Full Sail Ale and the rest is history.
Okay, here's my fifteen. Dang, that's a lot! I'm changing the rules. I'm gonna bestow this on Five lucky bloggers.
1. Phoenix Once Again
2. What Else is Possible?
3. A Grave Interest
4. Adam's Daily Apple
5. Blue Skies Sunny Days
Alright, there ya go. There's not even a mention of death. I'm a well rounded individual who is, dare I say it, versatile.
Tell me one random fact about you. And make it a good one!
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
An Interview with a Reiki Practitioner and CPR Instructor
Today I am talking with Betty Barnes, an 11-year breast cancer survivor, American Heart Association BLS CPR Instructor, Registered Karuna Reiki Master/Teacher and full-time RVer. She shares life on the road with her husband Dave and their dog Maggie. Betty is currently writing “her story,” which she describes as an inspirational memoir of her journey through darkness and into the light of Life.
DW: What made you want to teach CPR?
BB: Like Reiki, CPR is easy to learn and perform, and a skill I believe everyone should have. Combining this philosophy with my passion for teaching, pursuing certification as an instructor seemed a natural progression.
DW: Have you ever had to administer CPR in real life?
BB: No, but I came within seconds of having to do so shortly after my initial certification in the 1980s. When I arrived on the scene, paramedics were already in place.
DW: Did you have experience with death prior to making that decision?
BB: Death has visited family, friends and pets throughout my life. Death becomes a companion the moment you are told, “You have cancer.” Because of my personal experiences, hospice training and Reiki work, family and friends turn to me when presented with the passing of someone in their lives. If I can help, I am honored and humbled.
DW: You said that you went through hospice training. Can you tell me a little bit about your experience with that?
BB: I feel hospice training should be required for everyone. Some people cannot even say the word “death” or “dying.” Hospice training addressed ministering to the physical body of the dying as well as their spirit. Classes were interlaced with compassion, respect, love and laughter. I was allowed to give a presentation on Reiki as it relates in situations of death and dying.
DW: What is Reiki and how does it relate to hospice?
BB: Reiki (pronounced “ray-kee”) can be described as a method of stress reduction and relaxation which promotes overall well-being utilizing the universal energy which is in every living thing and surrounds us all. It is a noninvasive alternative therapy widely utilized in hospitals, pain clinics, cancer centers, hospices, etc. Reiki is performed hands-on or in the person's energy field. Clients lie on a massage/Reiki table, fully clothed, reporting sensations of warmth from the practitioner's hands, relaxation and peacefulness. Reiki on oneself is empowering for those with chronic illnesses and during cancer treatment.
Reiki it is not a religion.
Legitimate Reiki practitioners are professionals adhering to a strict code of ethics.
Reiki is not a substitute for conventional medical therapy.
When others may shy away from touching a dying person, the Reiki practitioner can minister to the dying with the simple act of holding their hand. One of Reiki's beauties is being independent of touch should the patient's condition preclude this due to pain or wounds. The intent is to help ease the suffering of the dying and all those involved. A Reiki person's presence lends an atmosphere of peace and calm. Reiki relaxes, and relaxation tends toopen heart, mind, soul . . . and mouth. Imminent death often prompts the need to unburden, perhaps sharing things not meant for the ears of loved ones; enter the Reiki practitioner as listener.
Thanks Betty for sharing what you do with my readers. If you click on the links, folks, you can check out Betty's writing, reiki practice and her CPR classes!
Has anyone done hospice training? I did it in Colorado and it was wonderful. I'd like to get back into it here in TX.
DW: What made you want to teach CPR?
BB: Like Reiki, CPR is easy to learn and perform, and a skill I believe everyone should have. Combining this philosophy with my passion for teaching, pursuing certification as an instructor seemed a natural progression.
DW: Have you ever had to administer CPR in real life?
BB: No, but I came within seconds of having to do so shortly after my initial certification in the 1980s. When I arrived on the scene, paramedics were already in place.
DW: Did you have experience with death prior to making that decision?
BB: Death has visited family, friends and pets throughout my life. Death becomes a companion the moment you are told, “You have cancer.” Because of my personal experiences, hospice training and Reiki work, family and friends turn to me when presented with the passing of someone in their lives. If I can help, I am honored and humbled.
DW: You said that you went through hospice training. Can you tell me a little bit about your experience with that?
BB: I feel hospice training should be required for everyone. Some people cannot even say the word “death” or “dying.” Hospice training addressed ministering to the physical body of the dying as well as their spirit. Classes were interlaced with compassion, respect, love and laughter. I was allowed to give a presentation on Reiki as it relates in situations of death and dying.
DW: What is Reiki and how does it relate to hospice?
BB: Reiki (pronounced “ray-kee”) can be described as a method of stress reduction and relaxation which promotes overall well-being utilizing the universal energy which is in every living thing and surrounds us all. It is a noninvasive alternative therapy widely utilized in hospitals, pain clinics, cancer centers, hospices, etc. Reiki is performed hands-on or in the person's energy field. Clients lie on a massage/Reiki table, fully clothed, reporting sensations of warmth from the practitioner's hands, relaxation and peacefulness. Reiki on oneself is empowering for those with chronic illnesses and during cancer treatment.
Reiki it is not a religion.
Legitimate Reiki practitioners are professionals adhering to a strict code of ethics.
Reiki is not a substitute for conventional medical therapy.
When others may shy away from touching a dying person, the Reiki practitioner can minister to the dying with the simple act of holding their hand. One of Reiki's beauties is being independent of touch should the patient's condition preclude this due to pain or wounds. The intent is to help ease the suffering of the dying and all those involved. A Reiki person's presence lends an atmosphere of peace and calm. Reiki relaxes, and relaxation tends toopen heart, mind, soul . . . and mouth. Imminent death often prompts the need to unburden, perhaps sharing things not meant for the ears of loved ones; enter the Reiki practitioner as listener.
Thanks Betty for sharing what you do with my readers. If you click on the links, folks, you can check out Betty's writing, reiki practice and her CPR classes!
Has anyone done hospice training? I did it in Colorado and it was wonderful. I'd like to get back into it here in TX.
Monday, June 11, 2012
Tuesday Movie: Hereafter
I loved this movie and I wished I'd seen it in the theater, instead of on my pathetic excuse for a television. Clint Eastwood directs and Matt Damon stars in this film that is all about death and as the name suggests, the hereafter. Yeah, it's a little on the "woo woo" side, but I tend to go for that kind of stuff. I've met many a psychic in my years and yeah, some of them are full of generalities (among other things), but I've met a select few who have been super spot on and specific.
My uncle is psychic and Matt Damon's character reminded me of his story. Both my uncle and Matt Damon's character view their gift as a curse. While there are many who are desperate to know their future and seek out psychics, there are those that are repelled by those who can "see" things.
So, have you seen it? Do you believe in the ability to predict the future? How about fate? Have you ever met someone and felt like you knew them?
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Monday Mournings: The Death of a Child
My name is Elizabeth vonTauffkirchen and I’m often called Liz or Lisa by my friends. Since 2006, I’ve worked at the Lavenia McCoy Public Library in Bayfield , Colorado
DW: Who was the person that died?
DW: Who was the person that died?
Elizabeth: We lost our firstborn child: a daughter named Julia.
DW: How old were you at the time?
DW: How old were you at the time?
Elizabeth: I’m really not sure why this is relevant but I was 30ish.
DW: How old was Julia when she died?
DW: How old was Julia when she died?
Elizabeth: Julia was eight and a half months old.
DW: Was it a sudden death or did you know it was going to happen?
DW: Was it a sudden death or did you know it was going to happen?
Elizabeth: Well, this is a complicated question. Julia was born with Apert’s Syndrome which is extremely rare (about 1 in every 180,000 live births). Apert’s Syndrome brings with it some physical differences, including mitten-hand syndactyly (the fingers are fused together, the thumbs separate) and craniosynostosis (premature fusing of the cranial plates). Sometimes, but not always, Apert’s is accompanied by more serious issues like kidney problems (which Julia did not have) and heart problems (which she did). Although Apert’s does require multiple surgeries, it is rarely fatal.
Julia’s heart condition was known as Tetralogy of Fallot with pulmonary stenosis. The Tetralogy of Fallot was apparently fixable and the pulmonary stenosis turned out to not be. Julia developed congestive heart failure. We flew her to Denver and had emergency heart surgery 9this was her second heart surgery). The surgery seemed to be successful. At 4am the next morning, Julia went into ventricular fibrillation and cardiac arrest. The CICU nurses kept her alive through CPR and were able to stabilize her. Julia never regained consciousness. After more than a week, the neurologist came to us with the information that she had no brain activity and we made the impossible decision to discontinue life support.
DW: Had you experienced any other deaths in your personal life before Julia?
Elizabeth: Just after high school, one of my best friends died from complications of a bone marrow transplant. This was exceptionally hard for me because until then I had only lost elderly relatives. Ryan (my friend who died) was the first time I had lost someone young and close to me.
DW: Had you experienced any other deaths in your personal life before Julia?
Elizabeth: Just after high school, one of my best friends died from complications of a bone marrow transplant. This was exceptionally hard for me because until then I had only lost elderly relatives. Ryan (my friend who died) was the first time I had lost someone young and close to me.
DW: Were people supportive of your grief or did they shy away when you were grieving?
Elizabeth: People were overwhelmingly supportive of me and my husband when we lost our daughter. I was moved and shocked when St. Mark’s Church (our parish in Durango ) was completely packed for my daughter’s funeral. I mean a baby funeral? Could there be anything sadder? But our friends turned out in droves. So many people came, I was truly touched.
There were those who avoided us after her death. I don’t blame these people. I understand the fear: the fear of death, the fear of the unknown, the horror of even contemplating the loss of a child.
There were also those who avoided us after she was born, because of her physical differences. I don’t blame these people either. I used to be one of them. I was never comfortable around those with physical differences. I just didn’t understand. Now I do.
DW: Is there anything you wish you'd done differently with Julia?
DW: Is there anything you wish you'd done differently with Julia?
Elizabeth: Obviously, I wish I would have recognized her congestive heart failure earlier. I did take her to multiple doctors (she had an average of three appointments a week and I took her more often in the end). However, in retrospect I realize if the pediatric cardiologist didn’t recognize the heart failure it is unlikely I could have.
DW: Was she buried or cremated?
DW: Was she buried or cremated?
Elizabeth: Julia was cremated.
DW: Did you learn anything about the grieving process that you'd like to share?
DW: Did you learn anything about the grieving process that you'd like to share?
Elizabeth: I attended a hospice group through Mercy led by Norm Gottlieb that was fantastic. Although it was difficult to attend at times, and some weeks I couldn’t bring myself to go, it was tremendously helpful with the process. The hospice group also helped me feel less alone.
DW: Last but not least, were any songs played at the memorial that you'd like to share?
DW: Last but not least, were any songs played at the memorial that you'd like to share?
Elizabeth: Julia was too little to have any favorite songs, although she did love music. I sang a few songs to her of my own creation that seemed to be pleasing to her. We sang Amazing Grace at her funeral. You are My Sunshine always reminds me of her and makes me cry to this day.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Writer Wednesday: Mike Capuzzo
Today I have the pleasure of speaking with Mike Capuzzo, one of my Goucher classmates and author of two New York Times best selling books, Close to Shore and The Murder Room. 
Mike and I talk for about twenty minutes while he enjoys a Boilermaker and I don't. We could have chatted longer, but I know in the world of blogging some of you peeps have short attention spans. But, that's okay. We all lead busy, hectic lives. So that's why I'm so grateful to Mike for taking the time to grace my blog with his presence. He's a peach!
Monday, June 4, 2012
Tuesday Movie: Up
Yeah, it's a kid's movie. Yeah, it's animated. And triple yeah, it's got a talking dog named Doug, but I dare you to watch the first ten minutes of this movie without shedding a tear. I remember seeing it in the theater with my kids and totally losing it without an adequate supply of napkins. Heck, my kids watched it so many times when I bought the DVD, but I still couldn't bring myself to watch those first few minutes. Now, I just let myself go there. It's such a beautiful movie. And who doesn't love a talking dog?
Maybe I'm really a kid at heart, but I now find myself loving movies that were made for kids probably more than movies made for adults. And this one, right along with "Finding Nemo" tops my list.
Am I the only adult that enjoys movies made for kids? Tell me your favorites!
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Monday Mournings: The Death of a Father
Hi there! My name is JT O'Neill and, yes, I do love the androgynous nature of my name. I came of age in the heyday of the peace movement and was forever impacted by that and by the second feminist movement. The newly established Women's Center at San Jose State University in NorCal literally saved my life.
Post college, I pointed myself towards education and have spent about 35 years in either the classroom or in admin in the front office. My official title is guidance counselor in a 500 student K -8 school north of the Golden Gate . I wear many hats - whatever hat is needed at that moment: counselor, nurse, office manager, disciplinarian, yard supervisor, club advisor, entertainer, and on and on. The most important work of my life has been as part of a two person team. This team raised two children who are now in their 20's. Both are compassionate, responsible, and creative adults now and their dad and I are very proud of them.
DW: Who was the person that died?
DW: How old were you at the time?
JT: I was 43 at the time he died.
DW: Did you and your Dad talk about death?
JT: Although we clearly did not talk about his death, I know he thought about death often. He had lost most of his siblings and many friends by the time he died. He was lonely for them, I think.
DW: Had you experienced any other deaths in your personal life before your Dad died?
JT: I lost my two remaining grandparents when I was a teenager. They were not especially warm people and I didn't know them well. The biggest impact on me was that I saw both of my parents shed a tear or two - very little expression of sadness but enough that I was shocked at the tears. There were several other adults in my life who died along the way and their deaths shocked me. The three year old brother of one of my childhood friends died very unexpectedly when I was ten years old. That sadness and empathy for the family stayed with me for years.
DW: Were people supportive of your grief or did they shy away when you were grieving?
JT: When my father died, I was amazed at the outpouring of support from my community.Within my immediate family (siblings, cousins, uncles, aunts), people contacted me about his influence on them and many people stepped up to put their arms around me (literally and figuratively).
DW: Is there anything you wish you'd done differently with your Dad?
JT: I've always wished I could have talked to my dad more but he was of that silent generation. The man was the salt of the earth but he did not talk about his feelings or his memories much. He served in the South Pacific during WW2 and that had a huge impact on him but he didn't want to talk about it. I believe now that he was chronically depressed (and who wouldn't be with the hard life he had lived). He often sat in silence, simply looking out the window, lost in his own mind.
DW: Was he buried or cremated?
JT: He was cremated and his ashes were buried at his home in the hills of Mendocino County, CA.
DW: Did you learn anything about the grieving process that you'd like to share?
JT: I learned how important the messages from family and friends were. Now, when I hear of a death, I try to get something in writing to the grieving family. A few words can be so healing.
DW: Last but not least, were any songs played at the memorial that were important to your Dad?
JT: Taps and Amazing Grace - some other hymns but I don't know them.
This goes out to JT's Dad...
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