Forgiveness

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."

Lewis B. Smedes

I have been thinking a lot about both the Oliver and Collins families after the death of Khristian Oliver.  Collins' son Joe Collins Jr. is quoted on KRTE.com as saying Oliver's final statement was "more self-healing for him than for us," Joe Collins Jr. Said shortly after the execution. "He didn't admit to much. He wanted us to feel better and have some closure. But it's kinda hard."  He goes on.  "There wasn't nothing difficult. I looked at him. I didn't see any real remorse in his eyes. It was very easy to stand there," said Collins Jr.

This is a man who has held onto a lot of anger and hurt for eleven years.  Do you think his father would have wanted him to live his life this way?  I hope not.  What he failed to realize is that Khristian's death was not going to erase that pain he was feeling.  Watching a man die in the hopes that it will dissolve years of sorrow is hoping for, well--a miracle.  Khristian or any other man who is being executed is scared, not to mention strapped to a gurney with a microphone lowered from the ceiling to his mouth.  It's hard to look remorseful under such circumstances.  Perhaps Mr. Collins should have spoken with Khristian while he was still alive--given him the chance to express his remorse.  There is no finding it in a brief statement at  such a stressful moment for all involved.

I don't mean to sound disrespectful of the Collins family.  I can't even imagine that hurt that they have experienced.  I hope that they can finally find peace.

As far as Khristian's family, they too are grieving for their son.  It is my sincere hope that they have support and kindness through their grieving process.  Most of the articles about their son have postings by anonymous people who spew vengeful, ugly words.  This makes me sad.  People hiding behind the anonymity of the internet to express their hatred.

Maybe if we all tried to treat others as we wanted to be treated and forgave those who have wronged us, the world would be a kinder, gentler place.  I can at least hope for that and try to live it in my own life.

I went to Texas to interview Khristian Oliver

Khristian's interview with ABC

This was a life altering experience and right now I can't even write the words that will do this story justice.  I need time to let things sink in.  

Going to Texas

My thesis is bringing me to Texas to witness the human drama of an execution.  I'm going there with a fair amount of reluctance, but also a genuine curiosity.

Since this thesis is about death and the people who encounter it in their daily professional lives, I am interviewing Mike Graczyk,  an AP writer who has witnessed and written about several (I'm talking hundreds here) executions, a chaplain who spiritually advises inmates and is a source of comfort, Jim Willett, a former warden, and Khristian Oliver , the condemned man.  People who commit suicide and death row inmates are the only people in the world who know the date and approximate time of their deaths.  And no, I am not going to be present for his execution.  He has invited his five people and frankly, I'm not quite sure I should be present.

Obviously, the person missing from this equation is the victim, Joe Collins.  He has nothing to do with my thesis, but in all the stories surrounding Khristian Oliver and his trial, he is missing.  So, I thought I'd mention him in this post.

The above picture of Jesus was painted by Kermit Oliver, Khristian's father who is a renowned artist from Waco.  The face of Jesus is Khristian.

Okay, finally I would like to post something from Story Corps about forgiveness.  If you have not listened to Story Corps, now is the time.  It's fabulous and real.  Get your Kleenex ready.

Story Corps

Thanks for reading.

Where is my motivation?

Well, it has been missing over the past two weeks.  Actual living can erase all thoughts of death and dying.  For most, that is kind of a good thing.  Why worry about it?

For me, it is not so good.  I am supposed to be pounding out the pages on my manuscript, but lately I haven't been motivated to do so.  I've had sick kids, I adopted an adorable little kitten who is hell bent on destroying every piece of furniture I own, and my actual day job has been demanding lately.

But, that all ended yesterday.  In August, I contacted a death row inmate named Khristian Oliver.  My reason?  A death row inmate is the only person, besides someone intent on killing themselves, who actually knows the date and approximate time of their death.  When I polled people about knowing when they were going to die, most said they'd rather not know.  So, I was curious.  Mr. Oliver didn't scare me.  Yes, he killed someone (and no I don't condone killing people) but there was something about him that made me feel I could approach him.  So, I wrote him a letter.  He replied and politely declined to be interviewed.  I accepted that and didn't pursue anyone else.  It's a weird line of questioning I'm going after and quite frankly, it's an uncomfortable spot to be in.

Yesterday, I got a letter from him out of the blue.  It actually made me cry.  It was simple and straightforward and honest.  Without him actually saying it, I saw his loss of hope.  He has accepted his fate.

Now I am desperately trying to figure out the best way to interview him.  Time is running out. His execution date is November 5, 2009.

Grief

If you click on the title, there was an interesting article stating that prolonged grief is now considered a mental disorder.


I don't have much to say.  I'm still grieving about my cat Spooky.


Hey, will you vote in my poll?

Goodbye

There is something about the presence of a cat that seems to take the bite out of being alone.  ~Louis J. Camuti

      After failing at my first attempt at college, I was once again living with my mother.  She was not particularly happy about this arrangement and was counting the days until I would get my shit together and get the hell out of her two- bedroom condo.  Instead of leaving, I dug in my heels and adopted a cat.  There was an ad in the paper under animals that stated in bold dramatic typeface, “Adopt or Die!”  My, god, I thought, I must save this poor animal from a cruel and untimely demise.  The truth was, I was lonely.  Somehow I thought that adopting a cute little needy kitty would fill the void left by my first boyfriend.

     I immediately drove to the house to check out the death row kitties.  They were five of them, all black and spastic, clamoring for my attention on the living room floor.  That is, all except one.  He was cool and ambivalent about my presence.  He couldn’t even bring himself to look at me.  Like the men I was attracted to at the time, he was perfect.  You don’t want me?  Well guess what Mr. Nonchalance, I’m going to take your flea ridden ass home and make you like me. 

     Our first night together wasn’t the greatest.  He hid under my bed and tried to swipe at my ankles every time I passed by.  The only time he wanted to be near me was when I began eating my mom’s tuna casserole as a smelly enticement to come hither. Upon sniffing the aroma of my odorous dinner, he clawed his way up the white eyelet bedspread and proceeded to bat the fork out of my hand, causing tuna and noodles to fly across my room.  Our love affair began.

RIP

Spooky aka "Pooty"

March 1989 - September 22, 2009

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep

Today, a fellow Goucherite Ly Nguyen posted a blog entry on Facebook that got some people talking about postmortem photography.  This used to be a very common practice, but in 2009, a lot of people think it's creepy and morbid.

For my manuscript, I interviewed a woman who volunteers for an organization called www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org  She is a photographer who takes pictures of babies who have died during birth.  The photographers who volunteer for this organization are amazing.  They are providing a valuable service to families who are in the deepest depths of grief.

I encourage everyone to go to their site to check it out.  Please watch the video on the About Us page.  Turn the sound on your computer up and listen to the lyrics.  Have some tissue at the ready.  I promise it is not gross or disturbing.  It's actually very tasteful and beautifully rendered art photography.